26. Now therefore I
went on in sin with great greediness of mind, still grudging that I could not
be so satisfied with it as I would. This did continue with me for about a month or
more. Still, one day, as I was standing at a neighbor's shop window, and there
cursing and swearing, and playing the madman, after my wonted manner, there sat
within, the woman of the house, and heard me, who, though she was a very loose
and ungodly wretch, yet protested that I swore and cursed at that most fearful
rate, that she was made to tremble to hear me; and told me further, That I was
the ungodliest fellow for swearing that ever she heard in all her life; and
that I, by thus doing, was able to spoil all the youth in a whole town, if they
came but in my company.
27. At this reproof I
was silenced, and put to secret shame, and that too, as I thought, before the
God of heaven; wherefore, while I stood there, and hanging down my head, I
wished with all my heart that I might be a little child again, that my father
might teach me to speak without this wicked way of swearing; for, thought
I, I am so accustomed to it, that it is in vain for me to think of a
reformation, for I thought it could never be.
28. But how it came
to pass, I know not; I did from this time forward so leave my swearing, that it
was a great wonder to myself to observe it; and whereas before, I knew not how
to speak unless I put an oath before, and another behind, to make my words have
authority; now, I could, 'without it,' speak better, and with more
pleasantness, than ever I could before. All this while I knew not Jesus Christ,
neither did I leave my sports and plays.
29. But quickly after
this, I fell in company with one poor man that made a profession of religion;
who, as I then thought, did talk pleasantly of the Scriptures, and of the
matters of faith; wherefore, falling into some love and liking to what he
said, I betook me to my Bible, and began to take great pleasure in reading, but
especially with the historical part thereof; for, as for Paul's epistles, and
Scriptures of that nature, I could not away with them, being as yet but
ignorant, either of the corruptions of my nature or of the want and worth of
Jesus Christ to save me.
30. Wherefore I fell
to some outward reformation, both in my words and life, and did set the
commandments before me for my way to heaven; which commandments I also did
strive to keep, and, as I thought, did keep them pretty well sometimes, and
then I should have comfort; yet now and then should break one, and so afflict
my conscience; but then I should repent, and say I was sorry for it, and
promise God to do better next time, and there get help again, 'for then I
thought I pleased God as well as any man in England.'
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