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20 February, 2015

I Need To Come Clean! ( I Messed Up In How I Wait For Him)

I read this today during my devotional time

Is your place a small place?
Tend it with care!
He set you there.

IS your place a large place?
Guard it with care!
He sets you there.

Whate’er your place, it is 
Not yours alone, but His.
He set you there.
                          By John Oxenham

One of the reasons I used to experience God so much was that I learned to cultivate a heart where through His grace, I could live out the pain of my life in His presence, knowing that “He set me there”.  During the biggest trial in my life when I was so sure I was going to be homeless, I learned to accept it so much that I knew in my heart that whatever corner of the street that I found myself, whether dirty, or cold, my heart embraced it all, knowing that it was going to be my little corner with Him and for Him and that “He set me there.” He was delighted in me!

 I have no idea what happened, but for months now, I realized this way of living was no longer a priority for me at all.  I even forgot to glorify Him in this way. This morning, sobbed, when I realized that I abandoned my first love too. As I examined myself, I can see that I failed Him miserably. I failed to abandon myself and abide like a branch.  I have been busy thinking about the length of my waiting process and how even my soul is tired.  As I cultivated this attitude and this frame of mind, my thoughts were about the care of this world and about me. I failed to live like the birds of the air in Matthew 6. It is truly for our own good that God wants us to abide and not care for tomorrow.

I failed to live every moment in His presence! Yet, I am grateful that this morning, He allowed me to
examine myself through His eyes. I am grateful that I could see my sins.  As I am writing this post, I realized how relieved I am and I feel much better as if this heavy cloud that was looming over my head, on my shoulders and in my heart has been lifted up.  Our sins can truly keep us down.
It is not for nothing that He says in Matthew 11:29 “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”