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03 October, 2012


When you are married to a nominal Christian, you have a duty to honour your marriage. Finding out he is nominal Christian does not mean you run away or becoming like him. It just means you have a bigger challenge than you bargain for and trust that God will with no doubt use this marriage to make you Holy. Take heart, it will be hard. There is no time for pity party of feed your ego. You are not going to reach your spouse or live the life God has in mind for you if you do not commit wholeheartedly and let Him walk you through it. One thing you will notice for sure is that nominal Christian tends to be miserable people because all they have is a little bit of religion. They tend to get frustrated, because nothing is working their ways and Satanic activities in their lives caused them not to have rest, so they are not at peace. Imagine someone like that bringing his life into yours? So, if you do not make the choice to walk in the Spirit, you are in for the ride of your life and by the time you get off this ride, you might find yourself way too far to come back.

One of the biggest mistake we make when we have a nominal spouse, a lot of us have a hard time accepting the fact. So we close our eyes and prefer to believe to some extend that our spouse in actually Christian. Satan loves this kind of attitude because where there is lack of discernment and wisdom it makes his job easier. The nominal spouse’s goal will always be to bring the other spouse to his level. If you are a man in this kind of relationship, giving the lead to your wife is a monumental mistake and I would not like to be in your shoes when you meet with God. You have to know as well, because your wife is not really a Christian, if you already have a strong willed woman in your hands, you taking the lead will no doubt, makes this relationship much harder. Yes, she will react violently, but aren’t you more afraid of God’s reaction in the way you respond to Him? If your thinking is not along that line, then your priorities are screwed up. Chose wisely and be prepared in your mind and heart that she will use everything in her power to get back at you which means you might suffer as she withhold sex, and the household care will suffer to some extend which also means your load will be heavier. Remember, you are dealing with a non Christian, hence the reaction. Your job as the leader of the house is to lead according to God’s leading. Get into the habit of not making decisions without talking to God, even the smallest ones. Daily find time to quiet your heart, to hear Him, even if it means using your lunch hour at work. Understand in your situation nothing is as innocent as it might look because Satan will disguise himself and get right in your day to day family’s activities. Set your eyes on Him at any cost and He will get you there. The rage and the retaliation that your spouse is feeling will have to subside at one point. God will be there in the midst of it all to sustain you if indeed you have chosen Him. The goal here is to make the marriage the best that it can be without leaving the path that God has for you. Don’t get yourself involved in too many things. You might think that getting involved with Church activities is a way of honouring God, but if your marriage is in danger especially if you have small kids, you need to concentrate and revise your priorities with God so that you can have more time to invest into being a spiritual leader for your wife and children.

Take time to acknowledge the pain she is experiencing, and make yourself available to her but never forget your role as a minister to her instead of trying to be a people pleaser. Making family time for devotion is your role to implement in your household. You need that more than any other households. Make no mistake she will fight you and even when you implement it, she will sabotage it intentionally. Don’t give up, keep the appointed time for devotion on your own and make sure she knows she is welcome to join you anytime. Not only Satan will be behind her actions but she has learned to live without God’s Word in her life because she does not like anything that is too heavenly minded. Then, you will notice your nominal Christian’s spouse care much more about personal opinions that comes from nominal or liberal Christians rather than the Word of God. So, the devotion time should be with the Bible. Never mind other devotion books. What your spouse is allergic to is actually the Word of God. Make time to decipher His Word one verse at the time, hear her out, find out what the verse means in her life and how it can be applied to your marriage and your walk together with God. This will allow you to minister to her on a daily basis.
It is extremely important that you go to God and let off steam if need be so that your spouse do not get the brunt of it. But, like David once you let off steam, you go right back to God almost in the same breath acknowledging your need for Him and the willingness to be a man after His heart. Step up in your role. Being with someone who does not challenge you spiritually can be annoying and somewhat isolating. Have a few spiritually mature Christian’s friends that you can count on. While your maturity might not be there yet, cultivate a close with Him and you will be rewarded.

The suggestions that I made, do not mean for you to act superior, but know for certain you are not in an equally yoke relationship. While the Bible clearly teaches us how to lead but there is an assumption that we are equally yoked. So, staying connected to the Holy Spirit at all times will be the only thing to counteract the satanic activities around your wife. As you stay close, you will find that He will constantly teach you the best course of action moment by moment.

The moral of the story is that this marriage will be your own little wilderness that God will lead you to maturity and holiness through brokenness. That is if you respond according to His promptings and desires for your life. I know from personal experience an unequally yoke relationship demands that we are alert when the other one is talking to us. We should never take it for granted that they mean well. This does not mean you spend more time looking for Satan at every corner, but it certainly means that you put your life, the whole thing with no reservation in the Holy Spirit’s hand to cover you. After few years of pain and suffering, you will realize in the midst of it all, God will bring you to a place of peace and rest in Him.

In His Love & Service, 
M. J. Andre
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