Calvinist & Reformed-Guidelines for Those Who Embrace the Doctrines of Grace - Part 2

J.C. Ryle, a favorite author among many Reformed people, was quite candid in stating:

Any religion, like that of Mahomet, who made converts with the sword, is not from above but from beneath. Any form of Christianity which burns men at the stake, in order to promote its own success, carries about it the stamp of an apostasy. That is the truest and best religion which does most to spread real, true peace (Expository Thoughts on the Gospels [Vol.4], pp.387-388).

In light of these statements, one wonders what Ryle, and even Reformed people today, would think of Calvin, who had Michael Servetus burned at the stake, or of Zwingli’s complicity in the drowning of the Anabaptists? These men, indeed, should have known better than to commit such evil deeds against other humans – particularly in the name of the Prince of Peace! But, as the old adage goes, "The best of men are men at best." For more on this, see Leonard Verduin, The Reformers and Their Stepchildren (Grand Rapids: Wm.B. Eerdmans, 1964); Leonard Verduin, The Anatomy of A Hybrid (Grand Rapids: Wm.B. Eerdmans, 1976); William R. Estep,The Anabaptist Story (Grand Rapids: Wm.B. Eerdmans [Revised], 1996).

F. Rigid Clericalism/Unscriptural Ecclesiology. The Protestant Reformers as well as most Reformed churches today, have been unable to break with the strict clericalism which they have inherited from both Rome and Constantine. The Reformers were right in their soteriology (doctrine of salvation), but wrong in their ecclesiology (doctrine of the church). They rediscovered the Gospel, but were unable to fully recover the ecclesiology of the New Testament. Thus, in many respects, the Reformation was only a partial reformation. Not only did the Reformers fail to break with the rigid clericalism of their past (including the error of infant baptism), but church attendance in Protestant territories was compulsory. Thus, believers and unbelievers were forced to gather together under the same church membership:

It is one of the incredible paradoxes of history that the Reformers, who so boldly and effectively recaptured the Gospel of grace from its medieval distortion and restored the central message of justification by faith, should have retained the mass church of the mixed multitude, the territorial church of the Constantinian compromise, in which real faith was not a requirement for membership (H. Bender, These Are My People, p.70).

Unfortunately, much of the ecclesiology within our historic Reformed denominations is fraught with practices and cherished traditions which run counter to the New Testament. For further study, see Alexander Strauch, Biblical Eldership (Littleton, CO: Lewis & Roth Publishers, 1986); William A. Beckham, The Second Reformation(Houston, TX: Touch Publications, 1995); Greg Ogden, The New Reformation (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1990); Frank A. Viola, Rethinking the Wineskin (Brandon, FL: Present Testimony Ministry, 1997); Alex R. Hay, The New Testament Order for Church and Missionary (Published by the New Testament Missionary Union, 1947).
 

III. Don’t View Any Period of Church History as Perfect (e.g., the Protestant Reformation of the 16^th Century), Nor Any Particular Group of Christians (e.g., the Reformers, Puritans, Anabaptists).

1. We must value the spiritual contributions of different men and different periods of time within church history, but never idolize them.

2. We must be willing to look at both the good as well as the faults of our spiritual and theological heroes.

3. We must seek to guard ourselves from the error of a party-spirit as well as from making a virtual pope out of Calvin or Luther – something which, by the way, the apostle Paul explicitly told us not to do (1 Corinthians 1:10-13; 3:1-6; 4:1).

4. When we fail to realize the faults of our spiritual/theological heroes, or when we are guilty of idolizing the past, we end up:

A. Making man the measure or standard of righteousness, instead of the Lord Jesus Christ.

B. We fail to see the progression of church history and end up chained to the past – not recognizing that each period of history has its own unique contribution and blessing (including ours in the twenty-first century).

C. Romanticizing the past ("the good-old days"). We end up viewing history from a romanticized perspective, rather than from reality, which includes both great achievements as well as great down-falls. If even the Bible records the failures and sins of the greatest saints (e.g., David, Peter, et al.), why should we then ignore the faults of lesser saints throughout church history (e.g., Calvin, Luther, et al.)? Perhaps one of the major reasons why God allowed the failures of various biblical characters to be recorded, is so that we would not idolize such persons nor form theological parties around them. For those willing to look at the faults of our Reformation and Puritan heroes – not for the purpose of discrediting them, but for the purpose of seeing a true picture – I recommend the following: Thomas N. Smith, "The Perils of Puritanism," Reformation & Revival [Journal]: Puritanism I (Spring – 1996, Vol.5/No.2), pp.83-99; Jon Zens, "What Can We Learn From Reformation History?" Baptist Reformation Review (Autumn – 1978, Vol.7/No.3), pp.1-13; Leonard Verduin, The Reformers and Their Stepchildren (Grand Rapids: Wm.B. Eerdmans, 1964).
 

IV. Because We Have Been Given Greater Scriptural Insight, Calvinists Should Be the Model of Humility and Love.

1. Consider the grace and blessings which God has lavished upon you: He could have chosen to create you into a mouse or even a cockroach but, instead, chose to make you into a member of the human race; He could have chosen to plant you in the most remote and harshest place on this planet but, instead, chose to plant you in the free and prosperous land of America; He could have left you in sin and darkness but, instead, chose to redeem you and adopt you as His child through Christ Jesus; And He could have left you in your Arminian confusion but, instead, chose to graciously reveal the Doctrines of Grace to you. Therefore, do you have any excuse for pride or arrogance toward others – particularly toward our Arminian brethren? As the apostle Paul says, "For who regards you as superior? And what do you have that you did not receive? But if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?" (1 Corinthians 4:7).

2. Because of the tendency to become prideful over the Doctrines of Grace (1 Corinthians 8:1), we must continually remind ourselves of the words of our Lord: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:34-35; cf. John 15:12,17; Romans 12:3,10; 1 Corinthians 13:4,13; Ephesians 4:1-3,32; Philippians 2:1-4; Colossians 4:6; 1 Peter 3:8; 1 John 3:14-18; 4:11). For further study, I highly recommend: Jonathan Edwards, Charity and its Fruits (Carlisle, PA: The Banner of Truth Trust [Reprint], 1969).

3. Seek to cultivate and improve such spiritual characteristics as patience, kindness, and non-retaliation. Robert Chapman, whom Spurgeon considered to be the most saintliest man he ever knew, once said: "There are many who preach Christ, but not so many who live Christ. My great aim will be to live Christ" (Robert L. Peterson,Robert Chapman: A Biography [Neptune, NJ: Loizeaux Brothers, 1995] p.29). This, likewise, should be the goal of the Calvinist (or any believer for that matter).

4. The only way to reverse the common assumption that Calvinists are haughty and proud, is to simply not behave in this way.

5. Although those who adhere to the precious Doctrines of Grace should be ready always to articulate and explain their beliefs, we must be careful to not go looking for debates or disputes with our Arminian brethren – as Paul reminds us in Philippians 4:3, "being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Let us also remember that we do not always have to have the last word, nor is it necessary to always "win the debate" – as Spurgeon wisely warned his own students at The Pastor’s College:

In all probability, sensible conversation will sometimes drift into controversy, and here many a good man runs upon a snag. The sensible minister will be particularly gentle in argument. He, above all men, should not make the mistake of fancying that there is force in temper, and power in speaking angrily. A heathen who stood in a crowd in Calcutta, listening to a missionary disputing with a Brahmin, said he knew which was right though he did not understand the language – he knew that he was in the wrong who lost his temper first. For the most part, that is a very accurate way of judging. Try to avoid debating with people. State your opinion and let them state theirs. If you see that a stick is crooked, and you want people to see how crooked it is, lay a straight rod down beside it; that will be quite enough. But if you are drawn into controversy, use very hard arguments and very soft words. Frequently you cannot convince a man by tugging at his reason, but you can persuade him by winning his affections (Lectures to My Students [Grand Rapids: Baker Book House Reprint, 1977] Vol.1, p.188).

Practical & Theological Guidelines for Those Who Embrace the Doctrines of Grace

I. Recognize that Salvation is Broader than the Calvinist Camp.

1. All of us, at one time or another, were Arminian in our thinking. A professing Arminian may be just as unregenerate as a professing Calvinist, but one’s adherence to Arminian theology does not necessarily exclude them from the kingdom of God. It is disturbing to hear some Calvinists assign all Arminians to the lowest abyss while conveniently forgetting that they too, at one time, were Arminians. Although the great 18^th century evangelist, George Whitefield, had his differences with the staunch Arminian John Wesley, he was able to see the hand of God in Wesley’s ministry and count him as a brother in Christ. Thus, we must be patient with our brethren and recognize that both ethical and theological maturity takes time. In fact, there are some truths that, for whatever reason, we may not yet be ready to receive – as Jesus told His own disciples, "I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now" (John 16:12).

2. God commands us to accept one another in Christ, in spite of our differences (Romans 14:1; 15:7). If Christ has accepted our Arminian brethren, who are we to reject them? The 19^th century Baptist preacher, C.H. Spurgeon, once said:

We give our hand to every man that loves the Lord Jesus Christ, be he what he may or who he may. The doctrine of election, like the great act of election itself, is intended to divide, not between Israel and Israel, but between Israel and the Egyptians – not between saint and saint, but between saints and the children of the world. A man may be evidently of God’s chosen family, and yet though elected, may not believe in the doctrine of election. I hold there are many savingly called, who do not believe in effectual calling, and that there are a great many who persevere to the end, who do not believe the doctrine of final perseverance. We do hope that the hearts of many are a great deal better than their heads. We do not set their fallacies down to any willful opposition to the truth as it is in Jesus, but simply to an error in their judgments, which we pray God to correct. We hope that if they think us mistaken too, they will reciprocate the same Christian courtesy; and when we meet around the cross, we hope that we shall ever feel that we are one in Christ Jesus (New Park Street Pulpit [London: Passmore & Alabaster, Vol.6] p.303).

In another place, he also said:

Far be it from me to imagine that Zion contains none but Calvinistic Christians within her walls, or that there are none saved who do not hold our views (cited in Iain Murray, The Forgotten Spurgeon [Carlisle, PA: The Banner of Truth Trust, 1966] p.65).

3. Most Arminians reject the Doctrines of Grace out of gross ignorance, misunderstanding, or misrepresentation on the part of sincere, but misinformed Calvinist’s. Thus, often they are not rejecting genuine Calvinism, but distortions of it. One’s heart may be right, while one’s head may be wrong.

4. Calvinism is not the Gospel. One is not saved by a proper understanding of election, Divine sovereignty, or the extent of the atonement. These issues, no doubt, are important, but they are not the core of the Gospel; they indirectly relate to the Gospel (as do many other Biblical teachings), but are not the essence of it. The puritan, John Bradford, stated: "Let a man go to the grammar school of faith and repentance, before he goes to the university of election and predestination." In the same way that it is wrong to detract from the Gospel message, so it is wrong to add to the Gospel message one’s particular theology. Once again, this is not to deny that the five-points of Calvinism are not important matters; but simply to point out that the minute one makes mandatory for salvation a correct understanding of election, effectual calling, or the extent of the atonement (regardless of how true they might be), they are guilty of adding to the Gospel. This is usually the error of young, zealous Calvinists (although not always), but to use the words of James, "My brethren, these things ought not to be this way" (James 3:10).
 

II. Don’t Make the Mistake of Accepting Everything "Reformed" or "Calvinistic."

1. Scripture alone is the final standard of authority for doctrine and practice (Isaiah 8:20; Acts 17:11; 1 Thessalonians 5:21), not Luther, Calvin, Owen, or any other great Reformed theologian. This is not to deny that these men – and men from other theological traditions – have made great spiritual contributions to the church, but only that they are not the final arbiters of truth. I know that many Reformed people would assent to this, but how many truly practice it? If we accept everything under the banner of "Reformed" or "Calvinistic," without serious scriptural investigation, are we truly practicing "Sola Scriptura"? Let us not make a pope out of Calvin, Luther, or any other mere mortal (Jeremiah 17:5).

2. Be very careful about accepting entire systems of theology (e.g., Covenant theology, Dispensationalism). Most often, the truth is found somewhere in the middle – and usually, a system of theology contains a part of the truth, but not the whole of it. It appears that God has spread His truth throughout various theological traditions (Baptist, Presbyterian, Lutheran, etc.) so that we might not put our trust in men or institutions, but in the testimony of God’s Word.

3. The truth is, some aspects of Reformed theology are erroneous.

A. Infant Baptism. For a thorough evaluation and refutation of this doctrine, see Paul K. Jewett, Infant Baptism & The Covenant of Grace (Grand Rapids: Wm.B. Eerdmans, 1978); T.E. Watson, Baptism Not For Infants (Worthing, England: Henry E. Walter, 1962); Alexander Carson, Baptism: Its Mode and Subjects (Grand Rapids: Kregel Publications [Reprint]); Greg Welty, A Critical Evaluation of Infant Baptism (Fullerton, CA: Reformed Baptist Publications, n.d.).

B. The Covenant of Grace. For a critique of this view, see Jon Zens, "Is There A ‘Covenant of Grace’?" Baptist Reformation Review (Autumn – 1977, Vol.6/No.3), pp.43-53; Richard L. Mayhue, "Hebrews 13:20: Covenant of Grace or New Covenant: An Exegetical Note," The Master’s Seminary Journal (Fall – 1996, Vol.7/No.2), pp.251-257.

C. The Reformed View of the Law. For an evaluation and critique of the traditional view of the Law and its relationship to the believer under the New Covenant, see Douglas J. Moo, "The Law of Christ as the Fulfillment of the Law of Moses: A Modified Lutheran View," [Chapter 5] in The Law, The Gospel, and the Modern Christian (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1993); "‘This is My Beloved Son, Hear Him!’: The Foundation for New Covenant Ethics and Ecclesiology," [ed. Jon Zens] Searching Together (Summer – Winter, 1997, Vol.25/1,2,3); Fred G. Zaspel, "Divine Law: A New Covenant Perspective," Reformation & Revivial [Journal] (Summer – 1997, Vol.6/No.3); Stephen Westerholm, Israel’s Law and the Church’s Faith (Grand Rapids: Wm.B. Eerdmans, 1988); John G. Reisinger, Tablets of Stone (Southbridge, MA: Crowne Publications, 1989).

D. Theonomy. In fairness, not everyone who is Reformed accepts Theonomy or Christian Reconstructionism. I have noticed, however, that many who embrace the Doctrines of Grace, make the unfortunate mistake of accepting Theonomy. For a critique of this unscriptural system, see Jon Zens, "Moses in the Millennium: An Appraisal of Christian Reconstructionism," Searching Together (Vol. 17:2,3,4 – 1988); [eds. William S. Barker & W.R. Godfrey] Theonomy: A Reformed Critique (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1990).

E. The Protestant Reformers Persecuted the Anabaptists and Catholics as Well as Sanctioned the Use of the Sword Against their Opponents. The Reformers had no scriptural authority to malign, persecute, and even kill such groups as the Anabaptists and Roman Catholics. While this is no longer a practice among those who are Reformed, there were many prominent Reformation theologians who thought it was perfectly acceptable – even to the point of citing Scripture for its justification (e.g., Luther, Zwingli, Calvin, et al.). This, once again, demonstrates how important it is to not accept everything that comes from the pen of our Reformation heroes since, not only did they err in their interpretation of Scripture at points, but they sometimes engaged in great acts of sin. The late historian, William Warren Sweet, was correct when he said:

There is a widespread notion among Protestant groups that the separation of church and state, and thus religious liberty, was one of the immediate products of the Reformation, that the early Protestants were advocates of a large tolerance, and that religious liberty was but the logical development of the principles held by all the Reformers. Just where this notion arose is difficult to say, and no reputable historian of our times would endorse it. The fact is that the rise of Protestantism was accompanied by an unprecedented outburst of intolerance (Religion in Colonial America, p.320).

Mixed Marriages

James Smith

"She is free to marry anyone she wishes—but he must belong to the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:39

Young friends, do you profess Christ? If so, take care what marital connections you form. Never consent to marry any one in opposition to the plain precepts of God's holy Word. Remember it was mixed marriages between saints and sinners–which brought on the deluge! It was mixed marriages that brought the Jews into such distress after their return from the Babylonish captivity. It was such a marriage that brought all the troubles of Samson upon him; and it was marrying with unconverted women that led away Solomon's heart from God. The strongest and wisest of men were thus overcome, and therefore you should be on your guard.

Think of its effects on your own spirituality—of the consequence to your children—of the bad impression it makes on the world—and the mischief it introduces into the church. It is one of Satan's chief snares—one of his most powerful engines; therefore beware of it!

Settle it in your minds; determine, in God's strength, that, yield to what you may, you never will yield to this temptation—to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. A man must be intimately acquainted with the entire history of God's church from the beginning, and then he would require the arm of an angel, and the intellect of an archangel—to write down all the mischief, misery, and sin, that has resulted from the mixed marriage of believers and unbelievers! If such a volume were written, it would take more than a lifetime to read it. But it is written, it will be read; for when time with us shall be no more—when it is too late to correct the wrong or make amends for our mistakes—we shall see, in the clearest light, what have been the fearful consequences of such unhallowed connections.

If any of my readers have fallen into the snare, confess your sin before God, walk softly before Him, accept the punishment of your iniquity, and try to warn and deter others from falling into such a fatal snare! Many such marriages have I seen in the past fifty years—but never did I see one that turned out to be happy, holy, or for the real benefit of the parties. But I have heard the confession of the broken heart, I have seen the scalding tears flowing from the weeping eye, and I have marked the dismal effects of such disobedience to the Divine oracles, in a variety of ways.

You may fancy you are about to pluck a rose—but there is a scorpion under its leaves! You may think you are about to drink of a cup of nectar—but there is poison in the cup! You may foolishly conclude that your case will be an exception to the general rule—but it is not. God is true; his Word must be fulfilled; and every age has borne its testimony to the fact that "the way of transgressors is hard." It is hard—but who shall say how hard, since the bitterest sorrows, the sharpest pains, the most acute sufferings, and the most agonizing remorse, have been endured in secret!

Before You Marry!

Be slow in choosing—especially with regard
to wife or husband.

An unwise marriage—will prove to be a calamity!

Before you marry—have a house wherein to tarry.
One would think this advice unnecessary, but people
are reckless nowadays. We, hope our readers will not
begin housekeeping with furniture on credit:
it is not creditable.

Marriage is either kill—or cure.
It is either ‘mar age’—or ‘merry age’,
as the case may be.

"O matrimony! you are like
To Jeremiah’s figs—
The good are very good indeed;
The bad too sour for pigs!"

Marry in a hurry—and live in a worry!

Take time to do—that which time cannot undo.

Marry in haste—and repent at leisure!

"The frogs in Aesop’s fable were extremely wise:
they greatly needed some water, but they would not
leap into the well because they could not get out again.

Blessed is the man who can say, after twenty years:
"I did commit no act of folly—
When I married my sweet Molly."

Right mixture makes good mortar.
Due proportion and thorough blending of
various graces—make up good character.

In marriage a fit blend is almost everything.
Once married, it is for better or worse—forever!

Don't be in a hurry to tie—what you cannot untie.
Marriage is one of these things. Be careful!
"In choice of a friend
One may often amend
When he finds his affection misspent;
But in choosing a wife
A close partner for life,
There is left us no room to repent!"

He who ‘courts in sport’ may be caught in earnest.
Many are caught in a marriage which he never
intended—which turns out a life-long bondage.

He who marries a fool—is a fool!
He did not use sufficient discretion and
discernment. However, fool or no fool—
he is in for it for life, and must bear
the consequences!

A good husband—makes a good wife.
A gracious disposition in the one—influences the
other, and little faults are almost insensibly cured.
The proverb is equally true in reference to the wife,
but she has harder material to work upon, and
sometimes she fails to make her husband what
he should be.

A rich man may make a poor husband! Better to
have a treasure in the man—than with the man.

An obedient wife commands her husband.
By her love—the good man is conquered,
so that he delights to give her pleasure.

The house is the woman's dominion, and
her husband should let her reign, saying,
"Only in the throne will I be greater than you."
He will be wise seldom to sit on that throne.

Buttons all right—are husbands’ delight.
What vexation may be caused by neglect
of such a little thing as a button! Let wives
think nothing trivial, which tends to peace.

Dirty wives—make drunken husbands!
Doubtless if the house were kept more
clean and comfortable, the man would
have less temptation to spend his
evenings in drinking company.

Expensive wife—makes pensive husband.
When the drapers bill drains his pocket, the
poor man thinks more than he dares to say.
The arithmetic of a good wife is very different.
She . . .
adds to his happiness,
subtracts from his cares,
multiplies his joys,
divides his sorrows, and
practices reduction in the
expenditure of his household.

This "last word" business—is a miserable one.
It would seem the best for both husband and
wife to leave off angry words at once, and so
both hasten to have the last word.
As for the wife's being quite so humble as to
speak only when she is spoken to, the notion
is a relic of savage life, and finds no echo in a
Christian man's head. Among true Christians
the wife is the equal of her husband, and is
had in honor by him. The wife is not the head,
but she is the crown—and that is higher still.

‘Harry Heartless’ will make a bad husband.
Better let him remain a bachelor.

"Have the potatoes and bacon done,
And nice white cloth as the clock strikes one."
The meals nicely cooked keep the husband in humor,
and prevent his seeking the pub and its temptations.

If Jack were better—Jill would not be so bad.
Often the husband creates the wife's faults,
and vice versa.

If your husband is a dog—don't be a cat!
If you are, you will lead a cat-and-dog life.

If you don't like crab-apples—don't plant crab-trees.
If you prefer peace and quietness, be peaceful and quiet.
Married people should not create causes for contention,
lest contention should spoil their union.

Don't be fooled by pretty face;
Look for character and grace.
Mere bodily beauty is like an almanac:
if it lasts a year—it is well.
Beauty and money are too fleeting
a reason for marriage.

When persons, who were very loving,
disagree, the quarrel is often very sharp.
"Spoons before marriage—may become
knives and forks afterwards!"

Think well before you tie—what you cannot untie.
Enter upon marriage with courage—but with caution.

Tarry, tarry, tarry, tarry,
Think again before you marry.
One might push this tarrying too far,
but we seldom meet with such a case.
Most rush at matrimony—like a dog at
a piece of meat.

Today married—tomorrow harried!

Wedlock is a padlock. A padlock is a very
useful thing to preserve treasure. But it is
hurtful to locked into a marriage much disliked.

Wedlock is either kill—or cure!

A fair face—may be a foul bargain!
Young men should not be carried away with mere
beauty—but look to character and disposition.
One who marries a woman for her beauty alone—is as foolish as the man who ate a bird because
it sang so sweetly.

As married people grow old, the tendency to 
correct each other in every trifling mistake is
often developed; and it is so trying that they will
be wise to watch against it with the utmost care.
"Needles and pins, needles and pins
When a man marries—his trouble begins!"

A Quaker who married a couple said,
"Now you are at the end of your troubles."
Some time after, the afflicted husband
reminded him of the saying, and charged
him with misleading him. "Nay," said the
Quaker, "I said you were at the end of your
troubles—but I did not say at which end."

Obedient wives—lead their husbands.

Sensible men know when they have good wives,
and they are glad to let them manage the house,
and lead them on to prosperity.

For husbands:
Instead of trying to reform your wife,
you will find it much more profitable
to reform your wife's husband.

For wives:
Instead of trying to reform your husband,
you will find it much more profitable to
reform your husbands wife.

The plow goes badly when one ox pulls
one way—and the other another. When
husband and wife are not of one mind,
family arrangements are disarranged.

The wife that loves the looking-glass hates the saucepan!
This is not always true; yet the fear is
that the folly which shows itself in dress
and self-admiration should lead to neglect
of household duties. Blessed is the wife
who can cook well, for she shall have
her husband home to dinner.

Summary wisdom for husbands:
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate
as you live with your wives, and treat them
with respect as the weaker partner and as
heirs with you of the gracious gift of life,
so that nothing will hinder your prayers."
1 Peter 3:7

Summary wisdom for wives:
"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is
fitting in the Lord." Colossians 3:18

Summary wisdom for all relationships:
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and
dearly loved—clothe yourselves with compassion,
kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
Colossians 3:12

The Folly of Drifting into Marriage

J.R. Miller, published 1913

Among the other drifts of life, many young people merely drift into marriage. The childhood friendships, or the casual associations of youth, are nourished until at length the potent spell of love falls upon the young man and maiden, and by and by there is a wedding. Or, the beginning of the attachment may be a great deal more sudden — "love at first sight!" a speedy engagement, a marriage in a little while — a marriage drifted into, or whirled into, as when a boat is swept down the wild rapids.

The matter of time, longer or shorter, makes little difference — in any case, the marriage is drifted into. There was no serious thought about the meaning of the step and what it involved; no weighing of the responsibilities to be assumed; no questioning as to whether the parties were ready for the serious work before them; no thoughtful study of the way to make the love dreams come true. Yet of all things in life, marriage surely is one of the very last that should ever be drifted into. If there is any step for the taking of which young people ought to make deliberate preparation — this is the step.

If a young man discovers that he has made a mistake in his business, trade, or profession — he can change and take something else, without serious detriment to his future. If a young woman buys a new dress and then concludes that she does not like it — she can discard it, hang it away in the storeroom and get another. If one takes a position, and afterward finds that the place is not satisfactory, nor the work congenial — it is easy to seek another place. But marriage is "for better, for worse, until death us do part." Therefore it should not be entered into unadvisedly or lightly — but reverently, discreetly, in the fear of God, and after most serious thought. It never should be drifted into.

Yet it would seem that for nearly every other step in life, there is more deliberation. For nearly all other duties there is instruction, training. Why should there not be for marriage? Why should not mothers talk thoughtfully to their daughters of the meaning of marriage, of the principles which should guide them in entering the relation, and of the duties which will be theirs when they become wives? Why should not fathers have quiet talks with their sons on the subject, telling them what a husband's duties are, how he must forget himself and live for the happiness of the woman he chooses for his wife, giving up his own selfish ways and unlearning habits he has formed, which prove hindrances to the blending which alone makes wholesome marriage?

Such wise instruction, given in youth, would certainly lead to more thoughtfulness on the subject — and thoughtfulness would prevent many inconsiderate marriages. It is often said that "marriage is a lottery," as if it were necessarily a sort of game of chance.

But there need not be such uncertainty about its outcome, if only young people would give serious attention to the subject before entering into it.

For example, the young man should consider whether the young woman he is interested in is fitted to be his wife. Perhaps it will be necessary for him to live economically, at least for a time. Has this girl had the training which will make her a good poor man's wife? Will she be able so to manage her household affairs, that they can live on the small income he will have? Then will she be willing to live in a plain way, befitting their circumstances, and will she be contented in doing so?

Then, has she the other abilities and qualifications that will make her the dearest woman in the world to him? Are her attractions such as will wear? There is a vast deal more required to make a woman interesting to a man, three hundred and sixty-five days in the year, for forty years or more — than to make her pleasing or winning for an evening, two or three times a week, for a few months.

Then a young man's questioning should not be all on the side of the girl's ability to make him happy, and to be a good, faithful, helpful wife. He ought to be quite as severe regarding himself — whether he is the man to make this woman the husband she needs, whether he can make her happy, and whether he is able to devote himself to the holy task. This should be a really serious question with every young man who asks a girl to be his wife. It means that he must make himself worthy of her in every way; that he must be ready to give up his own preferences in many matters, and live for her.

Then while he makes sure that the girl he is thinking of so warmly, will be ready sweetly to share a plain home and close economy with him as his wife — he must also make sure thathe is ready and that he will be able to provide for her in a way that will not lay too heavy a burden of sacrifice upon her. Too many young men never give serious thought to this phase of the marriage problem. The result is that many a noble girl, willing to share privation and close economies with the man she loves, is taken out of a home of comfort — to endure pinching experiences, and even wretched poverty — because the man who promised to keep, comfort, and cherish her, lacks either the capacity or the energy to provide a comfortable home for her.

Whatever other drifting you do, dear young people, don't drift into marriage!! Know what you are doing!

Directives for Avoiding Dissension in The Home

 Richard Baxter

It is a great duty of husbands and wives to live in quietness and peace, and avoid all occasions of wrath and discord. Because this is a duty of so great importance, I shall first open to you the great NECESSITY of it, and then give you more particular directions to perform it.

(1) Your discord will be your pain, and the vexation of our lives. Like a disease, or wound, or fracture in your own bodies, which will pain you until it is cured; you will hardly keep peace in your minds, when peace is broken so near you in your family. As you would take heed of hurting yourselves, and as you would hasten the cure when you are hurt; so should you take heed of any breach of peace, and quickly seek to heal it when it is broken.

(2) Dissension tends to cool your love; frequent dissension tends to leave a habit of distaste and averseness on the mind. Wounding is separating; and to be tied together by any outward bonds, when your hearts are separated, is but to be tormented; and to have the insides of adversaries, while you have marital outsides. As the difference between my 'home' and my 'prison' is that I willingly and with delight dwell in the one, but am unwillingly confined to the other; such will be the difference between a quiet and an unquiet life, in your married state; it turns your dwelling and delight into a prison, where you are chained to those calamities, which in a free condition you might flee.

(3) Dissension between the husband and the wife, disorders all other family affairs. They are like oxen unequally yoked--which can perform no work, because they are always striving with one another.

(4) It exceedingly unfits you for the worship of God; you are not fit to pray together, nor to confer together of heavenly things, nor to be helpers to each other's souls. I need not tell you this, you feel it by experience. Wrath and bitterness will not allow you so much exercise of love and holy composedness of mind, as every one of those duties requires.

(5) Dissension disables you to govern your families aright. Your children will take example by you; or think they are at liberty to do what they desire, when they find you taken up with such animosity between yourselves. They will think you unfit to reprove them for their faults--when they see you guilty of such faults and folly of your own. Nay, you will become the shame and secret derision of your children, and bring yourselves into contempt.
avoiding dissension in the home

(6) Your dissensions will expose you to the malice of Satan, and give him advantage for manifold temptations. A house divided cannot stand; an army divided is easily conquered, and made a prey to the enemy. You cannot foresee what abundance of sin you put yourselves in danger of.

By all these reasons, you may see what dissensions between husband and wife do tend to.

DIRECTIVES for avoiding dissension in the home

(1) Keep up your marital love in a constant heat and vigor. Love will suppress wrath. You cannot become bitter upon small provocations, against those whom you dearly love; much less can you proceed to reviling words, or to averseness and estrangedness, or any abuse of one another. Or if a breach and wound be unhappily made, the balsamic quality of love will heal it. But when love once cools, small matters exasperate and breed antipathy.

(2) Both husband and wife must mortify their pride and passion, which are the causes of impatience; and must pray and labor for a humble, meek, and quiet spirit. A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word or action that seems to tend to their undervaluing. A peevish, proud mind is like a sore and ulcerated member--which will be pained if it be touched. He that must live near such a sore, diseased, impatient, proud mind--must live even as the nurse does with the child, that makes it her business to rock it, and lull, and sing it quiet when it cries; for to be angry with it, will do no good. And if you have married one of such a sick or childish temper, you must resolve to bear and use them accordingly. But no Christian should bear with such a malady in themselves; nor be patient with such impatience, pride and haughtiness in themselves. Once get the victory over yourselves, and the cure of your own impatience, and you will easily keep peace with one another.

(3) Agree together beforehand, that when one is in a tempestuous, angry fit, the other shall silently and gently bear it--until it be past and you have come to your senses again. Do not both be angry at the same time. When the fire is kindled, quench it with gentle words and demeanor, and do not cast on more fuel, by answering provokingly and sharply, or by multiplying words, and by answering wrath with wrath.

(4) If you cannot quickly quench the anger in your heart--yet at least refrain your tongues! Speak no reproachful or provoking words. Talking hotly and angrily does blow the fire, and increase the flame. Be but silent, and you will the sooner return to your serenity and peace. Foul words tend to more displeasure. As Socrates said when his wife first railed at him, and next threw a vessel of foul water upon him, "I thought when I heard the thunder, there would come rain"; so you may foretell worse following, when foul, unseeming words begin. If you cannot easily allay your wrath, you may hold your tongues, if you are truly willing.

(5) Let the sober party condescend to speak gently and to entreat the other. Say to your angry wife or husband, 'You know this should not be between us; love must allay it, and it must be repented of. God does not approve it, and we shall not approve it when this heated argument is over. This frame of mind is contrary to a praying frame, and this language contrary to a praying language; we must pray together soon; let us do nothing contrary to prayer now. Sweet water and bitter come not from one spring,' etc. Some calm and humble words of reason, may stop the torrent, and revive the reason which passion had overcome.

(6) Confess your fault to one another, when angry passion has prevailed against you; and ask forgiveness of each other, and join in prayer to God for pardon. This will lay a greater engagement on you the next time, to refrain from argument. You will surely be ashamed to do that which you have so confessed and asked forgiveness for--of God and each other.

If you will but practice these directives, your family peace may be preserved.

The Single Christian's Rule

James Smith

"She is free to marry anyone she wishes — but he must belong to the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:39

This, though spoken of widows — is the law of Christ in reference to all unmarried Christians, and is imperatively binding upon them.

To slight it — is to slight the authority of Christ;

to reject it — is rebellion against the King of kings and Lord of lords;

and to act contrary to it — is to ensure sorrow, grief, and woe!

Celibacy is not sanctity — though it may, under some circumstances, be preferable to marriage. It is not required by the gospel, and in many instances, cannot be approved by the Lord.

Marriage is lawful — for God has instituted it;
it is honorable — for God commends it;
it is desirable — for God blesses it;
it is instructive — for God speaks by it;
it is profitable — for thereby we become helpers of each other;
and it is sometimes necessary — for the prevention of sin. 

But it must be according to God's Word — "only in the Lord." A Christian may only marry another Christian, for he is to "have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness — but rather reprove them." It is not enough for the other party to . . .
be moral — for morality is not salvation; or
an attendant on the means of grace — for many attend to whom the gospel is a savor of death unto death; or
a hopeful character — for of many it may be said, "They are not far from the kingdom of God," but they never enter it!

It must be a genuine believer, one who is born again by the Holy Spirit, who is in the Lord. That is, a person . . .
who is vitally united to the Lord Jesus;
who lives upon Christ;
who walks with Him in faith and holiness;
who is not ashamed to profess Him;
who adorns the doctrine of Christ his Savior;
a Christian not in word only — but in deed and in truth!

And with no other, can a believer unite . . .
in accordance with God's Word,
under the approving smile of the Holy Spirit, or
with scriptural ground to expect the Lord's blessing.

This command of Christ is plain; no one can misunderstand it — but from willful blindness.

It is imperative; it does not give permission to any one to qualify it, or excuse himself from conforming to it! If you are a Christian — you are solemnly bound to observe it. It is as much a crime to marry an unconverted person — as to steal, or to violate any of the ten commandments.

It is indispensable; no one has authority to set it aside, or to say, "I am not bound by it." If you are a Christian — you are bound by it, and woe unto you if you break it!

It is solemn; for it is a part of that Word by which Jesus will judge us at the last day. Therefore if you are tempted to trifle with it, remember you must be judged by it!

It is reasonable; "for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion has light with darkness?"

Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit; but the body of an unbeliever, however moral, or amiable, or lovely — is the temple of Satan, who is preferred and served in preference to God. You are a member of the body of Christ — but every unconverted person is a member of the body of Satan! You are alive to God — every unregenerate person is dead in trespasses and sins. In a word, you . . .
are influenced by different spirits,
are walking in directly opposite roads,
observe contrary rules, and
serve two opposite masters!

"How can two walk together — unless they be agreed?" They cannot with comfort, propriety, or as mutual helps.

The consequences of mixed marriages are generally fearful:
the unconverted partner becomes more hardened in sin;
the converted partner becomes carnalized and debased;
the family affairs cannot be conducted upon strictly Christian principles;
the children cannot be trained up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord;
there can be no family religion, though there may be a degree of the form of it;
and the cause of God must suffer by it.

If therefore, you have any regard for the authority of God,
if you have any concern to please the Lord Jesus Christ,
if you have any fear of grieving the Holy Spirit of God,
if you have any desire to maintain and increase your own spirituality,
if you have any wish to be approved and commended at the judgment of the great day,
if you would not be cruel to the soul of the unconverted person,
if you would not sow the seeds of sorrow, perplexity, and distress,
if you would not make bitter work for repentance —
then observe carefully and to the letter — this law of our Lord Jesus Christ! And when tempted to run counter to it, say, with holy Joseph, "How can I do this great wickedness — and sin against God!"

The Love of Your Espousals

By James Smith

Love is a noble passion, and when fixed upon a worthy object, and wisely reciprocated — it is a source of the sweetest pleasure. God intended Himself to be the highest object of our love; and that He might win back our affections to Himself — He has revealed Himself in Jesus, in the most lovely and attractive form. God in Jesus is love, and only love — unto all who come to Him in His name. He prizes our love, and has therefore entered into every near and dear relation, in order to draw forth and fix our love upon himself. He proposes a union with himself, as near and dear as the marriage union is among men. This was set forth in his dealings with his people of old, and in their attachment to him, alluding to which he says, "I remember the love of your espousals." Jeremiah 2:2.

THE FACT. God and man become united, as does the husband and the wife. Just so it is with Jesus, and those who believe on his name.

Just look at the parties. Israel, a poor, sinful, unworthy people; and the infinitely great and glorious God. So still. On the one side a poor sinner, so insignificant, so base, so vile, so miserable, that it is difficult to set it forth. On the other side, Jesus, the only begotten Son of God, the brightness of His Father's glory, and the express image of His person. Jesus, who is infinitely great, supremely glorious, perfectly holy, and eternally happy. 

Look to the act, "your espousals." Jesus moved first, by His word and Spirit, on the conscience and the affections. Then the sinner moved toward Him with fear, desire, hope, faith, and at length love. 

Then came the agreement, Jesus said, "I will be for you, and you shall be for me." And the soul said, "I am yours, yours only, yours forever!" The union was now formed, the soul was betrothed to the Savior; and by and by, the union will be consummated at the marriage supper of the Lamb. 

THE AFFECTION. "The love of your espousals." There was a love of pity and benevolence before — now there is the love of delight, on the part of Jesus. There may have been a love of gratitude on the part of the sinner — but now it is his purest, strongest love. It is more than filial love, or the love of a child to its parent. It is more than fraternal love, or the love of brother to his brother. It is espousal love, or the love of the espoused one toward Him whom she desired, and preferred to all others. It is love to the person, and the person alone; and such love as leads us to surrender all for Him, and to Him. It is as strong as death — nothing can destroy it. It is more pleasing than all things besides. It is a source of the sweetest, purest, sublimest happiness. 

It is love, near akin to the love of Jesus, being reflected by it, and flowing from it. It is an increasing love, for the more we know of Jesus — the more we love Him, and shall do so, to all eternity. 

Where there is no love, there is no espousal. Jesus never espouses one who does not love Him. He first wins the heart — and then gives the hand. He fixes on the person, determines to be united, wins the affection, and the espousal follows. No espousal — no marriage. If we are not espoused to Jesus while He is away — we shall not be married to Him at His glorious appearing. 

This is the design of the preaching of the gospel, as Paul said to the Corinthians, "I am jealous over you with a godly jealousy; for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ." 

No marriage — no inheritance. We inherit through Jesus, and by virtue of our union with Him. If we are Christ's — then His wealth is ours! And if the wealth of Christ is ours — then we shall possess the kingdom, and reign forever and ever. No possession — no real Heaven. Our Heaven, is having Christ for ours, and being with Him, and enjoying Him forever and ever.

As espoused to Him — we expect to be publicly married; as married to Him — we shall have full and eternal possession of Him; and eternally possessing Him — we shall have a Heaven comprising all we can desire or enjoy!

Reader, are you espoused? Has He taken your hand — and have you given Him your heart? Have you forsaken all besides — to seek your happiness, your all, in him alone? He is worthy of your highest love. He is necessary to your perfect happiness. 

Do you desire to be espoused to Jesus? You may be. Jesus is willing to be the husband, of every soul that desires to be married to Him. He has sent His servants, as Abraham sent Eliezer, to woo and win a wife for Him. He has beauty, He has nobility, He has wealth. In Him dwells, and dwells in perfection — all that is necessary to meet the wants, wishes, or desires of anyone, and everyone who is willing to be holy and happy. 

Espoused to Jesus — your fortune is made. You have an ever-living, ever-loving, never-changing husband. He will never leave, never forsake, never fail you. He will . . .
guide you with His eye, 
guard you with His hand,
and satisfy you with His love.

O happy, happy soul, that is espoused to Jesus!

Holy and eternal Spirit, lead every reader to Jesus, unfold His beauty, reveal His love — and so win the heart; and may the reading of these few remarks lead some to love Jesus, to give their hearts to Jesus, and so join themselves to Jesus in an everlasting covenant, which shall neither be forgotten nor broken!