When you are married to a nominal
Christian, you have a duty to honour your marriage. Finding out he/she is
nominal Christian does not mean you run away or becoming like him/her.
It just means you have a bigger challenge than you bargain for and
trust that God will with no doubt use this marriage to make you Holy.
Take heart, it will be hard. There is no time for pity party of feed
your ego. You are not going to reach your spouse or live the life God
has in mind for you if you do not commit wholeheartedly and let Him
walk you through it. One thing you will notice for sure is that
nominal Christian tends to be miserable people because all they have
is a little bit of religion. They tend to get frustrated, because
nothing is working their ways and Satanic activities in their lives
caused them not to have rest, so they are not at peace. Imagine
someone like that bringing his life into yours? So, if you do not
make the choice to walk in the Spirit, you are in for the ride of
your life and by the time you get off this ride, you might find
yourself way too far to come back.
One of the biggest mistake we make when
we have a nominal spouse, a lot of us have a hard time accepting the
fact. So we close our eyes and prefer to believe to some extend that
our spouse is actually Christian. Satan loves this kind of attitude
because where there is lack of discernment and wisdom it makes his
job easier. The nominal spouse’s goal will always be to bring the
other spouse to his level. If you are a man in this kind of
relationship, giving the lead to your wife is a monumental mistake
and I would not like to be in your shoes when you meet with God. You
have to know as well, because your wife is not really a Christian, if
you already have a strong willed woman in your hands, you taking the
lead will no doubt, makes this relationship much harder. Yes, she
will react violently, but aren’t you more afraid of God’s
reaction in the way you respond to Him? If your thinking is not along
that line, then your priorities are screwed up. Chose wisely and be
prepared in your mind and heart that she will use everything in her
power to get back at you which means you might suffer as she
withhold sex, and the household care will suffer to some extend which
also means your load will be heavier. Remember, you are dealing with
a non Christian, hence the reaction. Your job as the leader of the
house is to lead according to God’s leading. Get into the habit of
not making decisions without talking to God, even the smallest ones.
Daily find time to quiet your heart, to hear Him, even if it means
using your lunch hour at work. Understand in your situation nothing
is as innocent as it might look because Satan will disguise himself
and get right in your day to day family’s activities. Set your eyes
on Him at any cost and He will get you there. The rage and the
retaliation that your spouse is feeling will have to subside at one
point. God will be there in the midst of it all to sustain you if
indeed you have chosen Him. The goal here is to make the marriage the
best that it can be without leaving the path that God has for you.
Don’t get yourself involved in too many things. You might think
that getting involved with Church activities is a way of honouring
God, but if your marriage is in danger especially if you have small
kids, you need to concentrate and revise your priorities with God so
that you can have more time to invest into being a spiritual leader
for your wife and children.
Take time to acknowledge the pain she
is experiencing, and make yourself available to her but never forget
your role as a minister to her instead of trying to be a people
pleaser. Making family time for devotion is your role to implement
in your household. You need that more than any other households. Make
no mistake she will fight you and even when you implement it, she
will sabotage it intentionally. Don’t give up, keep the appointed
time for devotion on your own and make sure she knows she is welcome
to join you anytime. Not only Satan will be behind her actions but
she has learned to live without God’s Word in her life because she
does not like anything that is too heavenly minded. Then, you will
notice your nominal Christian’s spouse care much more about
personal opinions that comes from nominal or liberal Christians
rather than the Word of God. So, the devotion time should be with the
Bible. Never mind other devotion books. What your spouse is allergic
to is actually the Word of God. Make time to decipher His Word one
verse at the time, hear her out, find out what the verse means in her
life and how it can be applied to your marriage and your walk
together with God. This will allow you to minister to her on a daily
basis.
It is extremely important that you go
to God and let off steam if need be so that your spouse do not get
the brunt of it. But, like David once you let off steam, you go
right back to God almost in the same breath acknowledging your need
for Him and the willingness to be a man after His heart. Step up in
your role. Being with someone who does not challenge you spiritually
can be annoying and somewhat isolating. Have a few spiritually mature
Christian’s friends that you can count on. While your maturity
might not be there yet, cultivate a close with Him and you will be
rewarded.
The suggestions that I made, do not
mean for you to act superior, but know for certain you are not in an
equally yoke relationship. While the Bible clearly teaches us how to
lead but there is an assumption that we are equally yoked. So,
staying connected to the Holy Spirit at all times will be the only
thing to counteract the satanic activities around your wife. As you
stay close, you will find that He will constantly teach you the best
course of action moment by moment.
The moral of the story is that this
marriage will be your own little wilderness that God will lead you to
maturity and holiness through brokenness. That is if you respond
according to His promptings and desires for your life. I know from
personal experience an unequally yoke relationship demands that we
are alert when the other one is talking to us. We should never take
it for granted that they mean well. This does not mean you spend more
time looking for Satan at every corner, but it certainly means that
you put your life, the whole thing with no reservation in the Holy
Spirit’s hand to cover you. After few years of pain and suffering,
you will realize in the midst of it all, God will bring you to a
place of peace and rest in Him.
In His Love & Service,
M. J. Andre
