You know, my life seems to be an
endless invitation for hardships to come and surround me. For some reasons I am
constantly facing hopeless circumstances. Often I feel like I am hemmed in by
God on all sides. I guarantee you that I
do not go out of my ways to get in trouble with God. If I want to be honest with
all of you, I would have to confess that sometimes I ask myself if Christianity
is all in my imagination because my heart, common sense, and wisdom cannot
comprehend how is it, a God that is called a “God of love” would allow so much
to come into one’s life and for so long. So, the only logical conclusion is “the
whole Christianity thing is a hoax”
But, I thank my God that those
moments when my strength fails to carry me through, I can find refuge and
comfort in knowing:
1)
He
will carry me through
2)
My
common sense and finite understanding will never take me to the heights He has
in mind for me.
3)
Christianity
is truly a sacrificial life to the highest degree.
4)
Because
I am not privy to God’s higher purpose, my part in all this is to endure my lot
with my mouth shut and my heart opened wide to take it in, according to His
will.
5)
Christ
never misled His true followers and never promised a bed of roses down here on
earth.
6)
For
all I know, my endurance of it all could be something between God and Satan,
like in Job’s situation. So, not trusting Him all the way, no matter how
painful and lengthy of a process I am in, could be causing God to lose face vis
a vis Satan.
7)
Through
watching my painful life unfolding, I can see God’s hand on me, taking me back
to the God that I know, the invisible God that I have seen with my heart and
soul. He does that to reassure my soul and alleviate the pain. So, today, the Spirit
told me “have you noticed how life got more difficult for Jesus? Think about His pain to leave heaven behind! The
pain of being dependent on earthly parents to care for Him as in infant! The
humiliation of being obedient as a child and earthly parents! Think about what
it must have been like for Him living over thirty years in obscurity amongst his
brothers and sisters in His households!”
Then, the
Spirit continued by saying “think about how bad and painful things got for Him
when He reached the culminating point of His ministry, did things get easier? No,
because every day was a test, a trial, opportunity for more shame, more
persecution, less acceptance of Him and who He was in me? ‘WHY SHOULD YOUR LIFE BE DIFFERENT?’”
I also learned something else. Often
times when we are going through hardships and life is tossing us like a ping
pong ball, it is hard to put our hands on who to grab onto through the Bible’s
heroes. If you are like me, you try to find whether Paul life would do better
or Abraham, or David, or Joseph etc. But, the Spirit said to me the closer you
get to me and the deeper this life in me, the more you need to let go of your
role models and grab onto Christ.
Perhaps you are not like me and this
is my own weakness that God has to deal with. But I knew He had put His fingers
on one of my weaknesses that needed to change. This weakness of mine is that I
am constantly seeking to model myself after one of those heroes of the Bible
like Abraham, David, the Apostles etc. I am always trying to find out how one
of them would handle the situation that I am in, so that I can walk with God. Understand
that I aim to please Him. But, secretly in my heart, I am hoping that He would
apply their timeline to my hardship so that I could see an end to it. I also
try to convince myself why my timeline should be much less, because I am not in
their league. Cultivating this kind of frame of mind causes me to always expect
to be free as soon as possible, because I put in my time.
God made it clear to me that it was
not up to me to hang onto those heroes and expect the outcome to turn good for
me, like He did for them. i.e, everything was restored to Job, David received
his crown, Joseph got his days in the sun, etc. He basically told me that it
was not my business how and when He decide this awful life I have been living
most of my Christian life with Him.
He taught me, as you and I grow
spiritually, we reach a time where it is not enough to model after Paul or Joseph,
or Abraham. The only source of hope, faith, trust and the only one who can
write the ending of our circumstances, is Him and that should be sufficient for
me. “LOOK ONTO ME”
This lesson happened early this
morning as I woke up kind of nostalgic and with such a mood to meditate on Him before
I do anything else. So, I started reading my devotion books and I was surprised
to see Oswald Chamber’s devotion. I could not help smiling because I realized
once again His sense of humor and His way of making provision for the hour,
will always get me.
The lesson I learned today, even
though my situation seems desperate and painful, and even though I need God to
come to my rescue today, right now and even though He remains silent. I cannot
fret.
I FEEL LIKE I AM SITTING ON THE
TRAIN TRACKS, THE TRAIN IS ONLY A FEW STEPS
AWAY FROM ME, AT FULL SPEED,YET GOD IS TELLING ME DON’T MOVE, TRUST ME, &
DO NOT FRET!
And why does He forbid such thoughts? Because there is a nobler object set before us, which requires all our thoughts—"The kingdom of God and his righteousness." This kingdom we must seek earnestly, or we shall not obtain it. If our thoughts are occupied about earthly things, we shall lose this earthly inheritance. Christ said, "You cannot serve God and mammon," (or the world.) Neither can we be intent upon what we shall eat, and drink, and wear, and at the same time be seeking God. Christ said, that the Gentiles thought of these things. The Gentiles at that time were ignorant heathens, they knew not God, therefore they were occupied with earthly cares; but we ought not to be like them.
