Thus was he for many
weeks oppressed and cast down, and near to 'giving up the ghost of all his
hopes of ever attaining life,' when a sentence fell with weight upon his
spirit—' Look at the generations of old and see; did ever any trust in the Lord
and was confounded' (Ecclesiasticus 2:10). This encouraged him to a diligent
search from Genesis to Revelation, which lasted for above a year. Although he could not find that sentence, he was amply rewarded for this diligent
examination of the Holy Oracles, and thus he obtained 'yet more experience of
the love and kindness of God.'
At length he found it
in the Apocrypha, and, although not the language of inspiration, as it
contained the sum and substance of the promises, he took the comfort of it, and
it shone before his face for years. The fear that the day of grace had passed
pressed heavily upon him; he was humbled and bemoaned the time he had
wasted. Now he was confronted with that 'grim-faced one, the Captain Past-hope,
with his terrible standard,' carried by Ensign Despair, red colors, with a hot
iron and a hard heart, and exhibited at Eye-gate. At length, these words broke
in upon his mind, 'compel them to come in, that my house may be filled—and yet
there is room.' This Scripture powerfully affected him with hope, that there
was room in the bosom and in the house of Jesus for his afflicted soul.
His next temptation
was to return to the world. This was that terrible battle with Apollyon,
depicted in the Pilgrim's Progress, and it is also described at some length in
the Jerusalem Sinner Saved. Among many very graphic and varied pictures of his
own experience, he introduces the following dialogue with the tempter, probably
alluding to the trials he was now passing through. Satan is loath to part with
a great sinner. 'This day is usually attended with much evil towards them that
are asking the way to Zion, with their faces thitherward. Now the devil has
lost a sinner; there is a captive who has broken prison, and one run away from his
master.
Now hell seems to be
awakened from sleep, the devils are come out. They roar, and roaring they seek
to recover their runaway. Now tempt him, threaten him, flatter him, stigmatize
him, throw the dust into his eyes, poison him with error, spoil him while he is
upon the potter's wheel, anything to keep him from coming to Christ.' 'What, my
true servant,' quote he, 'my old servant, wilt thou forsake me now? Having so
often sold thyself to me to work wickedness, wilt thou forsake me now? Thou
horrible wretch, dost not know, that thou hast sinned thyself beyond the reach
of grace, and dost thou think to find mercy now? Art not thou a murderer, a
thief, a harlot, a witch, a sinner of the most significant size, and dost thou look for
mercy now?
Dost thou think that
Christ will foul his fingers with thee? It is enough to make angels blush,
saith Satan, to see so vile one knock at heaven gates for mercy, and wilt
thou be so abominably bold to do it?' Thus Satan dealt with me, says the great
sinner, when at first I came to Jesus Christ. And what did you reply? saith the
tempted. Why I granted the whole charge to be true, says the other. And what,
did you despair, or how? No, saith he, I said, I am Magdalene, I am Zaccheus, I
am the thief, I am the harlot, I am the publican, I am the prodigal, and one of
Christ's murderers; yea, worse than any of these.
And yet God was so far off from rejecting of
me, as I found afterward, that there was music and dancing in his house for
me, and for joy that I have come home unto him. O blessed be God for grace (says
the other), for then I hope there is favour for me. Yea, as I told you, such a
one is a continual spectacle in the church, for everyone by to behold God's
grace and wonder by. These are the 'things the angels desire to look into' (1
Peter 1:12), or as Bunyan quaintly says, this is the music which causes 'them
that dwell in the higher orbs to open their windows, put out their heads, and
look down to see the cause of that glory' (Lev 15:7,10).
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