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23 February, 2013

The Discipline of Spiritual Perseverance - Part 1


 

When I was waiting for God in the wilderness, the Holy Spirit impressed on my heart how important that I learn to wait patiently and learn to persevere and endure through the pain. I knew through it I had to take it all in, trust Him for the outcome and trust His timing however long He decided. This was a very hard lesson, one that He kept unfolding day by day. At times, I have to admit it was a hard pill to swallow. I was waiting for answers that never came, yet I needed these answers to even survive. I was miserable because I knew if He does not answer or act right away, the consequences would be disastrous for my life. 

In times, I had to learn to not only persevere which meant to carry on through the hardship I was going through. He made it clear to me that depression and self-pity was not part of the agenda and if I was to give in to them, then that would defeat the purpose.

While trying my best to persevere through the hardships I found every single day was an adjustment to what had become my life. Several months after, I finally realized even though my life was crumbling all around me and there was nothing left, it was strange to see how God was not in a hurry helping me to pick up the pieces.

I needed to make a decision to come to terms with all of it. This sober realization was more devastating than when I started the road. No time frame can be put on Him, no assumptions as to how He will get to me, and no expectations should be cultivated on my part either. What was more devastating to my soul, I found I had to make a choice to believe in Him while I was adjusting to the new crumbling life. I knew in my soul, I had to learn to believe His promises are true and He will not fail me, but the timing belongs to Him. It is very easy to wait for God’s timing when you do not have a crucial matter that requires his attention NOW! TODAY!

When the worst that I feared happened, what was left was to work it out in my soul. Strangely, I also realize while there was nothing else left to lose, I realized not taking a stand and the right one; I stood to lose the most important thing of all. At that time, it meant choosing Him. Make no mistake it is hard to choose to walk with Him when things seemed from the outside that He does not care what is happening to you.

I had to fight to put my humanity aside, I had to move beyond the pain of all my loss and what my life became, to say to Him, “so be it, let’s do it your way Lord”. To my surprise the saying in Hebrews 11:1 came alive in my heart. I had no idea that the impartation of this verse was so hard, so painful and had to be acquired personally. It meant to come to terms with the fact that you have to have assurance in something you cannot see and you might never see it in your lifetime, yet you KNOW because God cannot lie, it will happen in His own time. I remember saying to myself wow! Christianity is deep. Who would have thought those simple words would have become my personal tragedy?

I remember thinking how the whole thing did not make sense for my life if I did not get to enjoy His promises while I am alive. As I was thinking these things as if the Holy Spirit could not hear me, He replied to me “ I understand what you are thinking and it makes sense to you, but what I need from you child is for you to come to a place where you are alright with it and it has to be well with your soul.” Just because He said so, it became important to me. I struggled and prayed hard for a few days to really make my heart accept the outcome as He sees it, not according to my expectations and my understanding.

This was my big lesson from God in terms of spiritual perseverance and endurance and I found, if you can go pass that stage, than the rest of your Christian life is easier to persevere and endure the other daily challenges that come your way.