Will I Bring Myself Up To This Level? – Self–Gratification or Dealing With Our Sexual Urges

In today’s devotion, most of what we need to know about how to be holy and continue on perfecting holiness, Oswald Chambers combined them all neatly on one small page of his devotion book “My Utmost For His Highest.” I could easily take each suggestion the writer made and write a lengthy post on each of them.  But, today I want to talk about how God has led me to understand where He stands vis a vis dealing with sex while being single and the popular, controversial, and “don’t go there”  subject self-gratification. 

When I was first brought into the Baptist Church I heard my married pastor preaching about self-gratification. Throughout the whole message that lasted about 45 minutes, I was told “don’t do it because it is a sin.” There wasn’t one word about how to deal with it, or when it will end, or what to do about it. It seems that it was all up to me not to please myself, or given into satisfying my sexual urges.  While I knew nothing about God or the Bible, I decided if I were to remain in the Church and did not want to be a hypocrite I needed to walk like I am told to. So, I made the decision to listen to my pastor’s voice. It is easier said than done of course. Even today I am talking about the subject, I still do not understand God fully. It is easy for someone who is married to judge others or stand in front of the pulpit and tell those in the pews: “DON’T” 

Being someone who has gone through a bad marriage, I know too well what it means to have a truly lousy sex life. But, even someone living out a lousy sex life can never understand how hard it is to be single while God is sitting there watching you twitching, hurting and dying slowly inside with the pain of living out this life with all your faculties and heighten sexual desires, intact.

Earlier in my walk with God, He finally gave me the gift of celibacy. I had no idea that such gift even existed until the Holy Spirit told me about it. The gift of celibacy is such an awesome gift and it would solve these nasty sex scandals we have in the Church. It would stop a brother or a sister from running around to find relief while waiting for a godly partner. So, after God gave me the gift of celibacy, He was also working in my heart to bring me to the place where I would devote my life to Him.

Then, all of the sudden in 2007 I was knee deep into the wilderness with God. To my surprise, I was lying in bed by myself (as usual) meditating on my walk with God and how bad life was, in the wilderness, when suddenly, I felt that I had sexual urges. I was shocked because I took for granted that God will give me the gift of celibacy, indefinitely.

 Before I even had time to ask myself what this was about, the Holy Spirit told me that I no longer had the gift of intimacy. The only thing I could answer was “great, just what I needed.” I still remember vividly when the Holy Spirit told me self-gratification was not an option, then to make things worse He said, you are now sharing this body with me. While He was saying that to me, it was as if He stepped out of my body in the same shape that I was laying on the bed, and He looked like a vapour and the colour of the vapour was so white that there is nothing like this whiteness down here on earth.

I knew my body was the temple of God, I knew self-gratification was a sin. I knew I needed to keep myself cleaned from all filthiness of the flesh. I knew everything that I needed to know, yet, I could not understand one thing “why does it have to hurt so much?” Especially when you know you are serving God so deeply, and you are doing your best to be faithful and obedient to His word.

I find that when I am on that mode where I am living a passionate relationship with God, it is easier to fight the sexual urges. Like Oswald Chambers said in March 18 devotion, “I also have the responsibility to keep my spirit in agreement with His Spirit.  And when I do, Jesus gradually lifts me up to the level where He lived”  So when the relationship is at its best, there is no striving to be in agreement with Him and everything is perfect.

I know Oswald Chambers is right and only Christ can get us to a place where we are no longer slaves and bound by our sexual urges. The problem is that, in our relationship to God, like in any relationship, the passion does not burn 24/7, which means you go through times where the emotion of this intense closeness is not there. This does not mean that you are not living a passionate life with Him. But, the emotions subside as life takes over. This is the nature of the Christian life and if we were to live out the Christian life always running on those emotional times when we are in love with Him, we would be like someone on drugs all the time. Then, this life would be way too easy and we would choose God at every turn. 

But, when life gets in the way, things are tedious, and hard. When you have to deal with challenges and hardships, how do you deal with those painful sexual urges?  For most of us I suspect we find solace in responding to those sexual urges right away, so they can at least be taken care of and out of the way. I know, because I have been there and it was one of my biggest challenges to refrain from dealing with my urges in this way. I had to learn to view them like any challenge and temptation that I encounter in the Christian walk.  

I went through a few years where God needed me to learn these things. I learned that I have no control over these urges. I definitely did not go out of my way to be exposed to anything that would have got me there. Yet, those sexual urges came without announcement and without an invitation. I learned to cry myself to sleep because the pain could be so intense. However, I also know what it is like when you fight with everything you have, but your flesh can only take so much before you succumb and sin.

When I failed, I could not go to Him because I did not know how to repent, since I knew if I had to go through these intense periods of pain again, I would do the same thing. By the same token, I learned that I rather go to Him without knowing how to repent and continue my walk with Him. Because when your sin causes you to stay away from God, you will find that it does not take long before your heart starts growing cold toward Him. Therefore, I knew staying away from Him was not the best option, even if I did not know how to repent. Make no mistake, I knew how to ask Him to forgive me, I also had remorse in my heart, but there was no repentance for my sin since I could not understand things for myself. There were times where I was angry at Him for not taking this pain away when it is in His power. There were times I felt if He was not going to take the pain and urges away, then, I did not have to feel guilty. There were times where I felt like a hypocrite because I knew God had already declared me holy in 2008, so why couldn’t I live a holy life? You name the emotion, I am sure I have gone through it. 

In my defense, God asked me to remain celibate; I expected it to come with some sort of special self-control gift, at least, curb my appetite.  I also made sure that I never seek to gratify myself, just because I knew it would feel good. I did not spend time just thinking about sex and entertain the idea in mind. If anything I got deeper into the word of God while in pain. I was serious about my commitment to Him and He came first always, even when the pain was intolerable.

I remember asking God, how Paul did it since he was writing about it. As I read Paul’s advise I felt that he had some sort of self-control, so, I was more upset at myself because I did not have his self control. I kept thinking that Paul advise meant that he did not have sexual urges. “But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust.” (1 Corinthians 7:9) One day the Holy Spirit said to me, “where did you get the idea that Paul did not have urges?” He then made me understand the key is found in learning to be tempted and not succumb because I have learned to co-habite with my sexual urges. I think I felt worse, because I had some idea that these urges would go away at one point simply because God would take care of them. Another reason I felt worse is because the Holy Spirit did not tell me more when clearly I needed to know more. 

Over the years, I found out the key to learning to co-habite with our sexual urges is found exactly in perfecting holiness. The past few years I am finding out, the more you are disappearing in Him through this oneness with Him, the more your life is being absorbed by Him, then you learn to co-habite with those urges along with the pain.  It is as if you get a handle on leaving with being tempted like Christ. You have been so subdued by His life in you, that even when you are tempted for weeks and the pain is constantly there, it becomes part of you and part of your life. But, I cannot say I have anything to do with it because I am watching it happening in me. In the same way I have explained in some of my newest posts that I feel I have reached a much higher level of sanctification with God where I am disappearing slowly while He is increasing big time. If you ask me to explain how I am able to live with my sexual urges, I would say exactly what Oswald said “THE HOLY SPIRIT IS KEEPING ME IN AGREEMENT WITH HIS SPIRIT.”  

Through His grace, I have not had sex since 1999. Yes, I went through rough times, but self-gratification was always my last resort. I am now in my fifties, with all my faculties intact, and I can count on my two hands how many times I have given in to temptation. Through His grace in the past couple of years, He is maintaining me. It’s funny to see how I am constantly aware of the urges because after so long from abstaining from sex, these urges come automatically with pain. And God has never answered as to why the flesh has to hurt so much.

Since I am very candid about my life, I talked to almost everyone that I could talk to who are living the single life. It seems whether you are male or female, after a while the flesh hurts big time. The morale of the story is that learning to co-habitate with those painful urges is not easy and it is a lengthy process. Through it all, I learned to remain close to God, even in those moments when I failed Him. I knew He loved me just the same.

MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST
Oswald Chambers March 18th Devotion

The Love Of God!

James Smith, 1860 excerpt from: Fruit From the Tree of Life

Food and Medicine for the Soul

What subject can be compared to the love of God? What subject is so sweet, so profitable, so full of wonders!

God, loving his people.

The infinite, loving the finite.

The Creator, loving his creature.

The Most High God, loving a worm.

The Holy One, loving the unholy.

The Sovereign, loving his rebellious subject.

The Eternal God, loving poor sinners in his Son. For God puts us into Christ, and there he blesses us, saves us, and loves us with an infinite love.

I want to think over, to meditate for a little while, on the love of God this morning. Holy Spirit, it is yours to enlighten the mind, and to direct the heart into the love of God. O direct my heart into this glorious subject, and shed abroad the love of God in my heart, that tasting its sweetness, and feeling its power - I may write from experience on this delightful theme!

God loved his people first. No one ever loved God, or wished to love him - but as the effect of his own love. We love him -because he first loved us. He loved all of his people before time began, as he says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love."

God's love was fixed upon, and flowed out to his people freely. That God loves his people is clearly revealed, and powerfully proved; but WHY did he love them? How did he come to fix his love upon them? How did he come to reveal and communicate that love to them? This he has not told us. He has assured us that it was not for anything in them, or done by them. He loves freely. He loves - just because he will love, or because it pleases him to love.

His love is great beyond expression or conception. No one can possibly conceive the greatness of God's love, and if it cannot be conceived, then it cannot be expressed. It is as vast as eternity, and as infinite as his own divine nature. How wonderful, that God should love one like me - and love me with such a love!

His love is fraught with every blessing, and is the fountain from which flows every good. Yes, in the love of God is comprised and comprehended, every blessing that can be conferred on sinners in time, or be enjoyed by believers in eternity.

The love of God is as unchangeable as his nature. He is without variableness - and so is his love. His works may change, do change, must change; but he is the same, and as he is, so is his love. It ever was, what it is; it is, what it ever was; and what it is, it ever will be.

His love is eternal in its duration. Once fixed, it is fixed forever. Having loved his own - he loves them unto the end. No object of his love is ever lost. No one cared for by him, will ever perish. He is able to keep us from falling, and we are kept by his power, through faith unto salvation.

God's love is sweet and powerful, and it wins over all its objects to itself. God is loved - because he loves. The sweet power of his love, as displayed in the gift of his Son, and as shed abroad in the heart by his Spirit - wins us over to himself, and we love him - but never feel as if we loved him enough.

Oh, that I could enter into the love of God more fully! Oh, that I felt the love of God more powerfully! Oh, that I could love God more heartily and constantly, in return for his love to me! Oh, to illustrate and commend the love of God in my temper, conduct, and conversation with my fellow-men!

Nothing will make me happy - but this love.

Nothing will make me holy - but this love.

Nothing will give me strength and energy for duty - but this love.

If I realize that God loves me, loves me infinitely, loves me eternally - then I can do anything for God, I can suffer anything from the hand of God.

God's love to me, is like . . .
light in darkness,
manna in the wilderness, and
a sweet song in the night.

God's love to me, is . . .
my joy in sorrow,
my solace in suffering, and
my life in the midst of death.

God's love to me, will make me happy anywhere, satisfied with anything, and raise me above the most trying circumstances of time. O may this love comfort me in my lonely hours, in seasons of sickness and sorrow; and may it inspire me with courage, in every conflict with the foe.

Father of mercies, God of love, may I know and believe the love you have to me! Precious Lord Jesus, you are the proof and exposition of the Father's love! May I study you more, know you better, that so I may rejoice in your Father's love! Heavenly Comforter, it is yours to reveal, unfold, and impart the love of God to poor sinners; do more clearly reveal, more fully unfold, and more plentifully impart - the love of God to me, that I may be filled with all the fullness of God!

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If God is For Us Who Can Be Against us!

James Smith, 1860 excerpt from: Fruit From the Tree of Life

Food and Medicine for the Soul

Every Christian is exposed to foes. Every believer must expect opposition. In the world, we must have tribulation. But the consolations held out to us by the gospel, afford a stimulus and an encouragement to press forward, notwithstanding all. Our resources are greater than our needs - and our strength is equal to our day. God is with us. God is for us. Therefore we may ask with the Apostle, "If God is for us - who can be against us?" Romans 8:31. Here is,

A Point to Be Ascertained. "If God is for us."

Are we for God?

Are we for his cause - doing all we can to support it?

Are we for his truth - doing all we can to spread it?

Are we for his people - showing kindness and love to them?

Are we for his glory - seeking by all means to advance it?

If so - God is for us.

He is for all whom he has called by grace, and introduced into the fellowship of his Son. He is for all who have the Spirit of adoption, who cry unto him, "My father, my father, the guide of my youth." He is for the poor in Spirit, who hunger and thirst after righteousness. He is for those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for whom he has prepared the kingdom of Heaven. Are we then made partakers of the Heavenly calling? Have we received the Holy Spirit? Are we poor and needy? Are we hated, opposed, and persecuted for Christ's sake? If so - then God is for us.

Look we then at, The Question. "If God is for us - who can be against us?" That is, who can justly be against us, or be justified in vilifying and ill-treating us? Who can successfully be against us - so as to prevail, and finally injure and harm us? Who can reasonably be against us - if God takes our part, and sanctions us? Who can be against us, so as to bring us under condemnation? Who can be against us, so as to separate us from Christ - or, from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus? Who can be against us - so as really to hurt us?

Who can bring us into condemnation? What, when we are in Christ Jesus!

Who can separate us from Christ? What, when we are members of his body!

Who can separate us from the love of God? What, when that love is eternal, and like his nature immutable! If God is our Ally, if God is our Shield, if God is our Strong Tower - who can succeed against us?

Can Satan? He is conquered, spoiled, and reduced to be the vassal and slave of Him who loves us, and who gave himself for us.

Can man? Man, who is less than nothing, and vanity in the sight of God! No, blessed be God, let there be what there may, there shall be no condemnation, to those who are in Christ Jesus! There shall be no separation from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

God is engaged for his people. By covenant, by promise, and by oath, he is engaged to be with them, to be for them, and to defend them. He is their light and their salvation, he is their refuge and strength, he is their Father and Friend - therefore they need not fear. He sacredly keeps his engagement. The strength of Israel is not a man, that he should change his mind. He is in one mind, and who can turn him? What he was when he made the engagement - he is now. What he thought, when he pledged himself by promise to us - he thinks now. The love he had, when he swore that he would not be wroth to us - he has now. He is without variableness, or the shadow of a turning.

He allows their foes to try them. In this way he proves and improves them.

Their faith is tried - and being tried is strengthened.

Their courage is tried - and being tried is increased.

Their fortitude is tried - and being tried they become steadfast, immovable, and they abound more and more in the work of the Lord. Thus they are benefitted by their trials, and the Lord being with them, and for them, they come off conquerors, and more than conquerors through him who loved them.

He appears in them, to them, and for them - in answer to prayer. Yes, the Lord is in his people, as well as with them - and he appears in them, strengthening them with all might by his Spirit in the inner man. He appears to them, and comforts, encourages, and assures them of their final victory. And appears for them, scattering their foes, sanctifying their troubles, and giving them the victory over all that opposed their progress. God IS for us!

And this privilege, no unbeliever can claim, no one who indulges in any sin, has any right to. If God is not for us - then he is against us! There is a sense, in which he is against every impenitent sinner, and is bound to oppose and punish every willful transgressor. He cannot be against the poor broken-hearted sinner, or against the poor tried and timid believer; but against the man who loves sin, and lives in sin, he is against - he must be.

If God is for us - who can be against us? But, if God is against us - who can be for us? Who can be for us, to any good purpose? Not one! Not any! Let us therefore, by faith in Jesus, by prayer to God, and by decision for Christ - make sure that God is for us, and so all will be well.

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The Heart is not Right!

James Smith, 1860 Exerpt from: Fruit From the Tree of Life

Food and Medicine for the Soul

"Your heart is not right in the sight of God." Acts 8:21

So spoke Peter to Simon Magus, when he thought he could obtain power to confer the Holy Spirit for money. He had professed religion. He was a member of the church. He was a gifted man, and perhaps many thought he would be a useful man - but his heart was not right, and if the heart is wrong, then all is wrong. How many are in such a state now. 

Their creed is right. Their general conduct right. They pass muster among professors. But the heart is not right in the sight of God. Let us glance at a few of the many characters, by whom we are surrounded in the present day - whose hearts are not right; and may the Lord bless a few simple remarks, to the convincing of some, and the correcting of others.

Undecided man, or woman - your heart is not right. You ought to be decided for God - or against him. You ought to be wholly with the church - or the world. With you religion should be everything - or nothing. While you halt between two opinions, while you linger between the world and the church - you are wrong.

Formal professor - your heart is not right. There is no life, no power, no love in your religion. You read your Bible, you repeat your prayers, you sing your hymns, and you attend religious ordinances - but all out of form, or from a sense of duty. The love of God has never been shed abroad in your heart. The blood of atonement has never been applied to your conscience. The power of the Holy Spirit has never been felt in your soul. You are wrong. I hope you may not find out your mistake too late.

Fearful one - I mean such as are more afraid of man than God - your heart is not right. You are afraid of losing man's approbation, or afraid of incurring man's frown - afraid of losing some situation, or some of your wordily business, if you were openly to profess Christ. Afraid of poverty, more than you are afraid of God's displeasure. Afraid of persecution from man, more than you are afraid of Hell! You are wrong  - altogether wrong.

The hypocrite, the man who wears a mask, who pretends to be what he knows he is not - his heart is not right in the sight of God. You know you were never born of God, you know you have no love to God, or living faith in Christ; and yet for some worldly advantage, or to please some superior, or from some other unworthy motive - you pretend to be religious. You are wrong!

The worldly-minded, who are more taken up with temporals, than spirituals; who think more of money, than grace; who give their hearts to the world, more than to God - these are wrong. For if we profess religion, we profess to be quickened from a death in sins, to a life of righteousness - we profess to be risen with Christ, and we are therefore to set our affections on things above, not on things on the earth. Our hopes, our desires, our affections should be in Heaven; and if they are not, our hearts are not right in the sight of God.

The presumptuous, whose conduct contradicts their creed, who claim the privileges of God's people without a title to them, and the promises of God without true faith - are all wrong. They know nothing about a broken heart for sin, repentance unto life, or tenderness of conscience; but are bold, daring, and unfeeling, their hearts are not right in the sight of God.

The lukewarm, who decry zeal, fervor, and whole-heartedness in others, and are neither cold nor hot themselves, are wrong. God requires devotion, dedication, the constant presentation of our bodies, souls, and spirits to his service; if therefore we are half-hearted, self-satisfied, and indifferent to God's glory - our hearts are not right in the sight of God.

The backslider, who did run well - but has been hindered, who was thorough but is so no longer - he is wrong. Yes, yes, my friend, if your prayer-closet is neglected, if your Bible is unread, if God's ordinances are no longer prized - depend upon it, your heart is not right in the sight of God.

But if such characters are wrong, what shall we say to the covetous, the liar, the dishonest, the sly drunkard, the unfeeling? And yet there are many such, who wear a cloak of religion, and wish to be considered the friends of God, and the disciples of Christ; but God will never own them, Christ will never bear them in his presence - but will ask, "Why do you call you me, Lord, Lord, and do not do the things that I say?" And he will also pronounce their doom, "Depart from me, you cursed ones, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels!"

But when is the heart right? When it has been . . .

quickened by the Holy Spirit, 

cleansed by the blood of Jesus, and 

is influenced by the love of God.

When its dependence is on Christ, and it is in union with Christ, and is ruled by the Word of Christ. When zealous for the Lord's glory, at home in the Lord's work - it beats in union with the Lord's will. Only, as the heart is . . .

inhabited by the Holy Spirit, 

consecrated to the Lord's service, and 

aiming supremely at the Lord's glory - is it right.

In the unregenerate, it is radically, entirely, and altogether wrong. Often, even in those who are born of God, is it partially, and for a season, wrong. 

Let us then bear in mind, that the Lord's eye is fixed on the heart, and that he searches the secret part of man. That though we may be deceived by our fellows, or even be for a time deceived by ourselves - yet God cannot be deceived. That the Lord will in his own time and way, show whose heart is right, and whose is not. Therefore, let us while we think of the awful and dangerous state of those, whose hearts are not right in the sight of God, be very concerned, that always, and under all circumstances, whatever else may happen, that our hearts may be right in the sight of God; for if the heart is right, everything else will be right in the end.

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