In addition to his
want of scriptural education, it must be remembered that, when he thought of
miraculous power being evidence of faith, his mind was in a most excited
state—doubts spread over him like huge masses of thick black clouds, hiding
the Sun of Righteousness from his sight. Not only is he to be pardoned for his
error, but admired for the humility which prompted him to record so singular a
trial, and his escape from 'this delusion of the tempter.' While 'thus he was
tossed betwixt the devil and his own ignorance,' the happiness of the poor
women whose conversation he had heard at Bedford, was brought to his
recollection by a remarkable reverie or daydream:—
'About this time, the
state and happiness of these poor people at Bedford were thus, in a dream or
vision, represented to me. I saw as if they were set on the sunny side of some
high mountain, there refreshing themselves with the pleasant beams of the sun,
while I was shivering and shrinking in the cold, afflicted with frost, snow,
and dark clouds. Methought also, betwixt me and them, I saw a wall that did
compass about this mountain; now through this wall my soul did greatly desire
to pass, concluding that if I could, I would go even into the very midst of
them, and they also comfort myself with the heat of their sun.
'About this wall, I
thought myself to go, again and again, still prying, as I went, to see if I
could find some way or passage, by which I might enter therein; but none could
I find for some time. At the last I saw, as it were, a narrow gap, like a little
doorway in the wall, through which I attempted to pass; but the passage being
very strait and narrow, I made many efforts to get in, but all in vain, even
until I was well nigh quite beat out, by striving to get in; at last, with the great striving, methought I at first did get in my head, and after that, by a
sidling striving, my shoulders, and my whole body; then I was exceeding glad,
and went and sat down in the midst of them, and so was comforted with the light
and heat of their sun.
'Now this mountain,
and wall, was thus made out to me: The mountain signified the church of the
living God; the sun that shone thereon, the comfortable shining of his merciful
face on them that were therein; the wall I thought was the Word, that did make the separation between the Christians and the world; and the gap which was in this
wall, I thought, was Jesus Christ, who is the way to God the Father (John 14:6;
Matt 7:14). But forasmuch as the passage was wonderful narrow, even so, narrow
that I could not, but with great difficulty, enter in thereat, it showed me,
that none could enter into life, but those that were in downright earnest, and
unless also they left this wicked world behind them; for there was only room for
body and soul, but not for body and soul and sin.
'This resemblance
abode upon my spirit many days; all which time I saw myself in a forlorn and
sad condition, but yet was provoked to a vehement hunger and desire to be one
of that number that did sit in the sunshine. Now also I should pray wherever I
was; whether at home or abroad, in house or field, and should also often, with
lifting up of heart, sing that of the fifty-first Psalm, "O Lord, consider
my distress."'
In this striking
reverie, we discover the budding forth of that great genius who produced the most
beautiful flowers and delicious fruit, when it became fully developed in his
allegories.
While this trial
clouded his spirits, he was called to endure temptations that are common to
most, if not all, inquiring souls, and which frequently produce much anxiety.
He plunged into the university problems of predestination before he had
completed his lower grammar-school exercises on faith and repentance. Am I one
of the elect? or has the day of grace been suffered to pass by never to return?
'Although he was in a flame to find the way to heaven and glory,' these
questions afflicted and disquieted him so that the very strength of his body
was taken away by the force and power thereof. 'Lord, thought I, what if I
should not be elected! It may be you are not, said the tempter; it may be so,
indeed thought I. Why then, said Satan, you had as good leave off, and strive
no farther; for if indeed you should not be elected and chosen of God, there is
no talk of your being saved; "for it is neither of him that will, nor
of him, that runs, but of God that shows mercy."
'By these things I
was driven to my wit's end, not knowing what to say, or how to answer these
temptations. Indeed, I little thought that Satan had thus assaulted me, but
that rather it was my own prudence thus to start the question: for that the
elect only obtained eternal life; that I without scruple did heartily close
withal; but that myself was one of them, there lay all the question.'
No comments:
Post a Comment