Now, before I go any further, I must needs speak a word from my own
experience of the things of Christ; and the rather, because we have a company
of silly ones in this day of ignorance that do either comfort themselves with a
notion without the power, or else do both reject the notion and the power of
this most glorious Gospel; therefore, for the further conviction of the reader,
I shall tell him, with David, something of what the Lord hath done for my soul;
and indeed a little of the experience of the things of Christ is far more worth
than all the world. It would be too tedious for me to tell thee here all from
the first to the last; but something I shall tell thee, that thou mayest not
think these things are fables. [This conviction seized on my soul one Sabbath
day, when I was at play, being one of the first that I had, which when it came,
though it scared me with its terror, yet through the temptation of the devil,
immediately striking in therewith, I did rub it off again, and became as vile
for some time as I was before, like a wretch that I was]. [21]
Reader, when it pleased the Lord to begin to instruct my soul, He found me one
of the black sinners of the world; He found me making a sport of oaths, and
also of lies; and many a soul- poisoning meal did I make out of divers lusts,
as drinking, dancing, playing, pleasure with the wicked ones of the world. The
Lord finding of me in this condition, did open the glass of His Law unto me,
wherein He showed me so clearly my sins, both the greatness of them, and also
how abominable they were in His sight, that I thought the very clouds were
charged with the wrath of God, and ready to let fall the very fire of His
jealousy upon me; yet for all this I was so wedded to my sin, that, thought I
with myself, I will have them though I lose my soul, (O wicked wretch that I
was!) but God, the great, the rich, the infinite merciful God, did not take
this advantage of my soul to cast me away, and say, Then take him, Devil,
seeing he cares for Me no more; no, but He followed me still, and won upon my
heart, by giving me some understanding, not only into my miserable state, which
I was very sensible of, but also that there might be hopes of mercy; also
taking away that love to lust, and placing in the room thereof a love to
religion; and thus the Lord won over my heart to some desire after the means,
to hear the Word, and to grow a stranger to my old companions, and to accompany
the people of God, together with giving of me many sweet encouragements from
several promises in the Scriptures. But after this, the Lord did wonderfully
set my sins upon my conscience, those sins especially that I had committed
since the first convictions; temptations also followed me very hard, and
especially such temptations as did tend to the making me question of the very
way of salvation–viz., whether Jesus Christ was the Saviour or no; and whether
I had best to venture my soul upon His blood for salvation, or take some other
course.
But being through grace kept close with God, in some measure, in prayer and the
rest of the ordinances, but went about a year and upwards without any sound
evidence as from God to my soul touching the salvation that comes by Jesus
Christ. But, at the last, as I may say, when the set time was come, the Lord,
just before the men called Quakers came into the country, did set me down so
blessedly in the truth of the doctrine of Jesus Christ, that it made me marvel
to see, first, how Jesus Christ was born of a virgin, walked in the world
awhile with His disciples, afterwards hanged on the Cross, spilt His blood, was
buried, rose again, ascended above the clouds and heavens, there lives to make
intercession, and that He also will come again at the last day to judge the
world, and take His saints unto Himself.
These things, I say, I did see so evidently, even as if I had stood when He was
in the world, and also when He was caught up. I having such a change as this
upon my soul, it made me wonder; and musing with myself at the great alteration
that was in my spirit–for the Lord did also very gloriously give me in His
precious Word to back the discovery of the Son of God unto me, so that I can
say, through grace, it was according to the Scriptures (1 Cor 15:1-4). And as I
was musing with myself what these things should mean, methought I heard such a
word in my heart as this–I have set thee down on purpose, for I have something
more than ordinary for thee to do; which made me the more marvel, saying, What,
my Lord, such a poor wretch as I? Yet still this continued, I have set thee
down on purpose, and so forth, with more fresh incomes of the Lord Jesus, and
the power of the blood of His Cross upon my soul, even so evidently that I saw,
through grace, that it was the blood shed on Mount Calvary that did save and
redeem sinners, as clearly and as really with the eyes of my soul as ever, me
thought, I had seen a penny loaf bought with a penny; which things then
discovered had such operation upon my soul, that I do hope they did sweetly
season every faculty thereof. Reader, I speak in the presence of God, and He
knows I lie not; much of this, and such like dealings of His, could I tell thee
of; but my business at this time is not so to do, but only to tell what
operation the blood of Christ hath had over and upon my conscience, and that at
several times, and also when I have been in several frames of spirit.
As, first, sometimes, I have been so loaden with my sins, that I could not tell
where to rest, nor what to do; yea, at such times I thought it would have taken
away my senses; yet at that time God through grace hath all of a sudden so
effectually applied the blood that was spilt at Mount Calvary out of the side
of Jesus, unto my poor, wounded, guilty conscience, that presently I have found
such a sweet, solid, sober, heart-comforting peace, that it hath made me as if
it [my terror] had not been, and withal the same, I may say, and I ought to
say, the power of it, hath had such a powerful operation upon my soul, that I
have for a time been in a strait and trouble to think that I should love and
honour Him no more, the virtue of His blood hath so constrained me.
Again; sometimes methinks my sins have appeared so big to me that I thought one
of my sins have been as big as all the sins of all the men in the nation; ay,
and of other nations too, reader; these things be not fancies, for I have
smarted for this experience, but yet the least stream of the heart blood of
this Man [22] Jesus hath vanished all away, and hath made it to fly, to the
astonishment of such a poor sinner; and as I said before, hath delivered me up
into sweet and heavenly peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
Again; sometimes when my heart hath been hard, dead, slothful, blind, and
senseless, which indeed are sad frames for a poor Christian to be in, yet at
such a time, when I have been is such a case, then hath the blood of Christ,
the precious blood of Christ, the admirable blood of the God of Heaven, that
run out of His body when it did hang on the Cross, so softened, livened,
quickened, and enlightened my soul, that truly, reader, I can say, O it makes
me wonder!
Again; when I have been loaden with sin, and [I cannot stand here to tell thee
of particular temptations]. pestered with several temptations, and in a very
sad manner, then have I had the trial of the virtue of Christ's blood with the
trial of the virtue of other things; and I have found that when tears would not
do, prayers would not do, repentings and all other things could not reach my
heart; O then, one touch, one drop, one shining of the virtue of the blood, of
that blood that was let out with the spear, it hath in a very blessed manner
delivered me, that it hath made me to marvel. O! methinks it hath come with
such life, such power, with such irresistible and marvelous glory, that it
wipes off all the slurs, silences all the outcries, and quenches all the fiery
darts, and all the flames of Hell-fire, that are begotten by the charges of the
Law, Satan, and doubtful remembrances of my sinful life.
Friends, as Peter saith to the church, so I say to you, I have not preached to
you cunningly devised fables in telling you of the blood of Christ, and what
authority it hath had upon my conscience; O no, but as Peter saith touching the
coming of the Lord Jesus into the world, so in some measure I can say of the
blood of the Lord Jesus Christ that was shed when He did come into the world.
There is not only my single testimony touching this; no, but there are all the
Prophets do agree in advancing this in writing, and also all the saints do now
declare the same, in speaking forth the amiableness and many powerful virtues
thereof. "As for Thee also, by the blood of Thy covenant," saith God
to Christ, "I have sent forth Thy prisoners out of the pit wherein is no
water" (Zech 9:11). "We have redemption through His blood" (Eph
1:7). Again, "We have redemption through His blood" (Col 1:14). Our
robes are washed and made "white in the blood of the Lamb" (Rev
7:14). The devil is overcome through "the blood of the Lamb" (Rev
12:11). Yea, and conscience is purged, too, and that through the blood of the
Lamb (Heb 9:14). We have free recourse to the Throne of Grace through the blood
of Jesus (Heb 10:19). I could bring thee a cloud of witnesses out of all the
types and shadows, and out of the sundry Prophets, and much more out of the New
Testament, but I forebear, because I would not be too tedious to the reader in
making too large a digression, though I have committed here in this discourse
no transgression, for the blood of Christ is precious blood (1 Peter 1:18,19).
