July,
1764.
My
dear Madam--The complaints you make are inseparable from a spiritual
acquaintance with our own hearts: I would not wish you to be less affected with
a sense of indwelling sin. It befits us to be humbled into the dust; yet our
grief, though it cannot be too great--may be under a wrong direction; and if it
leads us to impatience or distrust, it certainly is so.
Sin
is the sickness of the soul, in itself mortal and incurable, as to any power in
heaven or earth, but that of the Lord Jesus only.
But He is the great, the
infallible Physician. Have we the privilege to know his name? Have we been
enabled to put ourselves into his hand? We have then no more to do but to
attend his prescriptions, to be satisfied with his methods, and to
wait his time. It is lawful to wish we were well; it is natural to groan,
being burdened; but still He must and will take his own course with us; and
however dissatisfied with ourselves, we ought still to be thankful that He has
begun his work in us, and to believe that He will also make an end.
Therefore,
while we mourn--we should likewise rejoice; we should encourage ourselves to
expect all that He has promised; and we should limit our expectations by his
promises. We are sure, that when the Lord delivers us from the guilt and dominion of
sin--He could with equal ease free us entirely from sin if He pleased.
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Again,
some of the first prayers which the Spirit of God teaches us to put
up--are for a clearer sense of the sinfulness of sin, and our vileness on
account of it. Now, if the Lord is pleased to answer your prayers in this
respect, though it will afford you cause enough for humiliation--yet it should
be received likewise with thankfulness, as a token for good. Your heart is not worse than
it was formerly, only your spiritual knowledge is increased. And this
is no small part of the growth in grace which you are thirsting after--to be
truly humbled, and emptied, and made little in your own eyes.
Further,
the examples of the saints recorded in Scripture prove (and indeed of the
saints in general), that the greater measure any person has of the grace of God
in truth--the more conscientious and lively they have been; and the more they
have been favored with assurances of the divine favor, so much the more deep
and sensible their perception of indwelling sin and infirmity has always been.
So it was with Job, Isaiah, Daniel, and Paul.
It
is likewise common to overcharge ourselves. Indeed, we cannot think ourselves worse than
we really are; yet some things which abate the comfort and alacrity of our
Christian profession are rather impediments than properly sinful,
and will not be imputed to us by him who knows our frame, and remembers that we
are but dust. Thus, to have an infirm memory, to be subject to disordered,
irregular, or low spirits--are faults of the constitution, in which the will has
no share, though they are all burdensome and oppressive, and sometimes
needlessly so by our charging ourselves with guilt on their account.
The
same may be observed of the unspeakable and fierce suggestions of Satan, with
which some people are pestered--but which shall be laid to him from whom they
proceed, and not to those who are troubled and terrified, because they are
forced to feel them.
Lastly,
it is by the experience of these evils within ourselves, and by feeling our utter
insufficiency, either to perform duty, or to withstand our enemies--that the
Lord takes occasion to show us the suitableness, the sufficiency, the freeness,
the unchangeableness of his power and grace. This is the inference Paul draws
from his illness, Romans 7:25, and he learned it upon a trying occasion from
the Lord's own mouth, 2 Cor. 12:8, 9.
Let
us, then, dear madam, be thankful and cheerful, and, while we take shame to
ourselves--let us glorify God, by giving Jesus the honor due to his name.
Though we are poor--He is rich; though we are weak--He is strong;
though we have nothing--He possesses all things. He suffered for us; He
calls us to be conformed to him in suffering. He conquered in his own person,
and He will make each of his members more than conquerors in due season.
It is
good to have one eye upon ourselves--but the other should ever be fixed on him who
stands in the relation of Savior, Husband, Head, and Shepherd: in him we have
righteousness, peace, and power. He can control all that we fear; so that, if
our path should be through the fire or through the water--neither the flood
shall drown us, nor the flame kindle upon us, and before long He will cut short
our conflicts, and say, Come up hither! "Then shall our grateful
songs abound, and every tear be wiped away." Having such promises and
assurances, let us lift up our banner in his name, and press on through every
discouragement. . . .
I
am, dear madam,
Your
much obliged and affectionate servant,
John
Newton