Yesterday I was in the book of Solomon and I had such a
moment, if I can describe it this way, with God. At first, it was the awesomeness
of watching how God was making me experience His love for me and for the body
of genuine Christians that make up His Church, all, in the context of the book
of Solomon. Every verse in the book is either a love letter to me because He is
the lover of my soul or to the Church, His bride.
I will give you an example: When you read chapter 3 it’s
mainly about how we ought to behave as the church while we wait for His return.
But at the same time, He personalized it for me and showed me how He expects
each one of us to live the Christian life while missing Him as we would miss a
lover, yearning and longing for His return. When you read verse 5, it is
something like your lover is gone, so everything in the house carries His imprint
and His fragrance, so it feels as if He was right there with you. While this might sound silly to the natural mind,
but it is so awesome that it brought tears to my eyes. It is nothing about this
life that we know, so far removed from the context of Solomon’s life and debauchery
and has everything to do with agape love and God’s Vision of Salvation.
About two weeks ago, I was praying and I said to Him, God, I
know I am one with you, because the awareness of our union is so strong in me.
I know that the Holy Spirit is right there with me because He has my life under
a microscope and I cannot get away with the tiniest, almost silly sin and He
deals with me right away to rectify the issue. I remember after I prayed, I
asked Him, “what is it I am so much under a microscope these days? The Spirit
revealed to me that it was because He wants me to learn to live in a way where
Satan has nothing on me-no reproach whatsoever-and even though it wasn't completely clear to me why I cannot keep one tiny
itsy bitsy sin for a few days, it was fine with me. Besides, I had something
consuming my mind so much more. I have been worrying about my lack of passion
for Him so my prayer was so much about Him reviving my heart. Another thing I
noticed about my life as well, is that I am so aware of my oneness with Him and
the presence of the Holy Spirit in me, that it’s becoming somewhat natural to
me. Also, I no longer experience Him as much as I used to. In the past, when I
had a vision, it used to leave me speechless and breathless while at the same
time the experience was being worked out and was becoming part of me which I
come to know as the impartation of the Christian life. But, now, my visions are
very still.
So, yesterday through the book of Solomon, God wanted to show
me how even though all the emotions and excitement are not there, but there’s a
passion in my heart for Him. Then, His Spirit showed me that I am one of those
living this life like described in Chapter 3 of the book. He quietly opened my eyes to see how much I
am fulfilling His expectations. Yet, something
that should make me joyful caused me to feel humble and grateful. I kept crying
while holding onto my mouth so that the noise of my groaning would not come out
because I know my heart and I know how much I am such a bad copy of Him.
Much later last night, I had sometimes with Him, while He did no
say much, He left me hanging, but reassured my heart that it was a
good thing that I am not experiencing Him in the same way like
before, because I needed these things to be worked out in me
before, not now. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that this process
that I am going through, the life under the microscope and the
stillness in my visions are all good and they are also part of my
walk with Him like Enoch did. It is strange and reassuring how I know in my heart that...THE SAGA CONTINUES….
