Quest. O, how should a poor soul do this? This is rare, indeed.
Answ. Why, truly thus—Doth Satan tell thee thou prayest but faintly, and with very cold devotion? Answer him, therefore, and say, I am glad you told me, for this will make me trust the more to Christ's prayers and the less to my own; also, I will endeavor henceforth to groan, to sigh, and to be so fervent in my crying at the Throne of Grace, that I will, if I can, make the heavens rattle again with the mighty groans thereof. And whereas thou sayest that I am so weak in believing, I am glad you mind me of it; I hope it will henceforward stir me up to cry the more heartily to God for strong faith, and make me the more restless till I have it. And seeing thou tellest me that I run so softly and that I shall go near to miss of glory, this also shall be, through grace, to my advantage, and cause me to press the more earnestly towards the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. And seeing thou dost tell me that my sins are wondrous great, hereby thou bringest the remembrance of the unsupportable vengeance of God into my mind, if I die out of Jesus Christ, and also the necessity of the blood, death, and merits of Christ to help me; I hope it will make me fly the faster, and press the harder after an interest in Him; and the rather, because, as thou tellest me, my state will be unspeakably miserable without Him. And so all along, if he tells thee of thy deadness, dullness, coldness, or unbelief, or the greatness of thy sins, answer him, and say, I am glad you told me, I hope it will be a means to make me run faster, seek earnestly, and to be the more restless after Jesus Christ. If thou didst but get this art as to outrun him in his own shoes, as I may say, and to make his own darts to pierce himself, then thou mightst also say, how doth Satan's temptations, as well as all other things, work together for my good, for my advantage (Rom 8:28).
Object. But I find many weaknesses in every duty, such as when I pray, read, hear, or do any other duty. It makes me out of conceit with myself, and it makes me think that my duties are worth nothing.
Answ. I answer it may be it is thy mercy that thou art sensible of infirmities in thy best things thou doest; ay, greater mercy than thou art aware of.
Quest. Can it be a mercy for me to be troubled with my corruption? Can it be a privilege to be annoyed with my infirmities and have my best duties infected with them? How could it be?
Answ. Verily, thy sins appearing in thy best duties, do work for thy advantage these ways—1. In that thou findest ground enough thereby to make thee humble; and when thou hast done all, yet to count thyself but an unprofitable servant. And, 2. Thou, by this means, art taken off from leaning on anything below a naked Jesus for eternal life. It is like, if thou wast not sensible of many by-thoughts and wickednesses in thy best performances, thou wouldst go near to be some proud, abominable hypocrite, or a silly, proud dissembling wretch at best, such a one as would send thy soul to the devil in a bundle of thy own righteousness. But now, through grace, seest that in all and everything thou doest, there is sin enough in it to condemn thee. This, in the first place, makes thee have care of trusting in thy own doings; and, secondly, showeth thee that there is nothing in thyself which will do thee any good by working in thee, as to the meritorious cause of thy salvation. No, but thou must have a share in the birth of Jesus, in the death of Jesus, in the blood, resurrection, ascension, and intercession of a crucified Jesus. And how sayest thou? Doth not thy finding of this in thee cause thee to fly from a depending on thy own doings? And doth it not also make thee more earnestly to groan after the Lord Jesus? Yea, and let me tell thee also, it will be a cause to make thee admire the freeness and tender-heartedness of Christ to thee when He shall lift up the light of His countenance upon thee because He hath regarded such a one as thou, sinful thou; and therefore, in this sense, it will be a mercy to the saints that they do find the relics of sin still struggling in their hearts. But this is not simply the nature of sin, but the mercy and wisdom of God, who causeth all things to work together for the good of those that love and fear God (Rom 8). And, therefore, whatever thou findest in thy soul, though it is the sin of never so black a soul-scarring nature, let it move thee to run the faster to the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt not be ashamed—that is, of thy running to Him.
But when thou dost apprehend that thou art defiled, and also thy best duties annoyed with many weaknesses, let that Scripture come into thy thoughts which saith, "Of Him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption"; and if thou shalt understand that, what thou canst not find in thyself thou shalt see in Christ. Art thou a fool in thyself? Then Christ is made of God thy wisdom. Art thou unrighteous in thyself? Christ is made of God thy righteousness. Dost thou find that there is but very little sanctifying grace in thy soul? Still here is Christ made thy sanctification; and all this in His own Person without thee, without thy wisdom, without thy righteousness, without thy sanctification, without in His own Person in thy Father's presence, appearing their perfect wisdom, righteousness, and sanctification in His own Person; I say, as a public Person for thee; so that thou mayest believe, and speak to thy soul, My soul, though dost find innumerable infirmities in thyself, and in thy actions, yet look upon thy Jesus, the Man Jesus; He is wisdom, and that for thee, to govern thee, to take care, and to order all things for the best for thee. He is also thy righteousness now at God's right hand, always shining before the eyes of His glory; so that there it is unmoveable, though thou art in never such a sad condition, yet thy righteousness, which is the Son of God, God-man, shines as bright as ever, and is as much accepted of God as ever. O this sometimes hath been life to me; and so, whatever thou, O my soul, findest wanting in thyself, through faith thou shalt see all laid up for thee in Jesus Christ, whether it be wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, or redemption. Nay, not only so, but, as I said before, He is all these in His own Person without thee in the presence of His Father for thee.
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