Works of John Bunyan – The Greatness of The Soul, And Unspeakableness 0f the Loss Thereof; How Christ Manages The Office Of An Advocate.122

 

But alas! I have waited, and that a long time, and have, as you advise, run from ordinance to minister, and from minister to ordinance, or, as you phrase it, from the post to the carrier, and from the carrier to the post house, to see if I could hear aught from heaven how matters went about my soul there. I have also asked those who pass by, "If they saw him whom my soul loveth," and if they had anything to communicate to me, But nothing can I get or find but generals, as I have an Advocate there who presides over the cause of his people and will thoroughly plead for their cause. But what he has done for ME, of which I am ignorant, I doubt if my soul shall by him be effectually secured, that yet a conditional verdict will be awarded concerning me, and that much bitter will be mixed with my sweet, and that I must drink gall and wormwood for my folly; for if David, and Asa, and Hezekiah, and such good men, were so served for their sins (II Chron 16:7, 12), why should I look for other dealings at the hand of God? But as to this, I will endeavor to "bear the indignation of the Lord, because I have sinned against him" (Micah 7:9) and shall count its infinite mercy, if this judgment comes to me from him, that I may "not be condemned with the world" (I Cor 11:32). I know it is dreadful walking in darkness, but if that also shall be the Lord's lot upon me, I pray God I may have faith enough to stay upon him till death, and then will the clouds blow over, and I shall see him in the light of the living.

My enemy, the devil, as you see, is of an inveigling temper; and though he has accused me before the judgment seat of God, when he comes to me at any time, he glavers and flatters as if he never did mean me harm, but I think it is that he might get further advantage against me. But I carry it now at a greater distance than formerly, and O that I was at the remotest distance, not only from him but also from that self of mine that laboureth with him for my undoing!

But although I say these things now and to you, yet I have my solitary hours, and in them, I have other strange thoughts; for thus, I think, my cause is bad, I have sinned, and I have been vile. I am ashamed of my own doings and have given my enemy the best of the staff. The law, reason, and my conscience plead for him against me, and all is true; he puts into his charge against me that I have sinned more times than there are hairs on my head. I know not anything that ever happened in my life, but it had flaws, wrinkles, spots, or some such thing in it. My eyes have seen vileness in the best of my doings; what, then, do you think God needs to see in them? Nor can I do anything yet; for all I know, I am accused by my enemy before the judgment seat of God, which is better than what is already imperfect. "I lie down in my shame, and my confusion covers my face." "I have sinned; what shall I do unto thee, O thou preserver of men?" (Jer 3:25; Job 7:20).

Reply.-Well, soul, I have heard what thou hast said, and if all be true which thou hast said, it is good and gives me ground of hope that Jesus Christ becomes your Advocate; and if that be so, no doubt but thy trial will come to a good conclusion. And be not afraid because of the holiness of God; for thine, Advocate has this for his advantage, that he pleads before a judge that is just, and against an enemy that is unholy and rejected. Nor let the thoughts of the badness of thy cause terrify thee overmuch. Cause thou hast indeed to be humble, and thou dost well to cover thy face with shame; and it is no matter how base and vile thou art in thine own eyes, provided that it comes not by renewed acts of rebellion, but through a spiritual sight of thine imperfections. Only let me advise thee here to stop. Let not thy shame nor thy self-abasing apprehension of thyself, drive thee from the firm and permanent ground of hope, which is the promise, and the doctrine of an Advocate with the Father. No; let not the apprehension of the badness of thy cause do it, forasmuch as he did never yet take cause in hand that was good, perfectly good of itself; and his excellency is, to make a man stand that has a bad cause; yea, he can make a bad cause good, in a way of justice and righteousness.