Somehow, I had the same light inside me from my stomach all the way up. I could not help feeling worthless, and so undeserving and in my mind, I kept saying how can that be possible? Two reasons I felt this way. First, because of the teaching I was exposed to and second, I knew I was too much of a sinner to be holy. Somehow, in my mind I recalled my previous teaching and I expected to be holy only after I die. So, I had a hard time to reconcile man's teaching with the Holy Spirit's.
I even rejected the idea that I could be made holy now on earth and thought to myself, maybe it is Satan dressing as an angel of light playing tricks on me. Even though I was sure the experience was of God. Then I was so ashamed I did not want to talk about it. Once again, it was the teaching that I was exposed to, that has become a stumbling block for me. But God is good. The Holy Spirit knew of my ignorance and He kept working with me. He knew I was not trying to defy Him. It was sheer ignorance of His word at a spiritual level. One of the things He did to help me get used to the idea, was to keep this light with me for three days. The light was so bright that I tried to avoid going out because I was so sure I was leaking light and other people would see it coming out of me. This happened around my fourth years in the wilderness.
The second thing is that He removes the limitation of the path before you which looks like a wall. As time went by, I learned there will always be more walls behind the wall I can see with my spiritual eyes. The invitation to come up higher and higher with Him, simply means, a life of abandonment at His feet, total devotion, obedience and willingness to be His at any cost, and to live out His will for your life. These things cannot be negotiated if you want to know the higher life. Yes, it is grace, as the Holy Spirit gives you that yearning to want to go higher. Like the deer panteth for the water, your soul longs after Him too. And, as you get to know Him deeper, you have that disposition in you, to want to go where He is. It is only through the higher life you get to experience the reality of John 7:38 "Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them." After awhile all I could say to the Holy Spirit was " Are you serious? You mean even this verse is available to me now, not when I am dead?"
I am not saying you will experience Him in the same way I did. God is God, He alone decides that. What I know for sure is that I am not the only one experiencing Him so much, nor that I will be the last. I know, the Holy Spirit has the power to show all of us this life. We need to pray for Him to put a hunger within that compel us forward. We need to stop letting man put a limit on how far you can go with God. Eight years ago, if you had told me there was a higher life, I would have called you a dreamer too. In fact I learned from my last Church that most of what is written in the Bible will be mine, after I die. Little did I know I could go on with Him, to experience most of the Bible now, and even go as far as taking a peek behind the veil and see what is awaiting me in this marvelous life. It is something to look forward to. It is something that is worth giving up this worldly life behind and cling onto Him. No man on earth will ever be able to contain me. I give this right to my God alone.
Please go to Him, do not delay any longer. Do not let someone else rob you of your true inheritance. Do not be impressed by anyone but be impressed with Him. and like Peter said in Acts “We must obey God rather than human being!”
"Wisdom out of Christ is damning folly;
righteousness out of Christ is guilt and condemnation;
sanctification out of Christ is filth and sin;
redemption out of Christ is bondage and slavery!"
Do you want to attain holiness? Do you feel this day a real hearty desire to be holy? Would you be a partaker of the divine nature? Then go to Christ! Wait for nothing. Wait for nobody. Linger not. Do not think to make yourself ready. Go and say to Him,
in the words of that beautiful hymn,
"Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to Your cross I cling;
Naked, flee to You for dress;
Helpless, look to You for grace."
There is not a brick nor a stone laid in the work of our sanctification — until we go to Christ. Holiness is His special gift to His believing people. Holiness is the work He carries on in their hearts by the Spirit whom He puts within them. He is appointed a "Prince and a Savior, to give repentance" as well as remission of sins. To as many as receive Him, He gives power to become sons of God (Acts ; John , 13). Holiness comes not by blood — parents cannot give it to their children; nor of the will of the flesh — man cannot produce it in himself; nor of the will of man — ministers cannot give it to you by baptism. Holiness comes from Christ. It is the result of vital union with Him. It is the fruit of being a living branch of the true Vine. Go then to Christ and say, "Lord, not only save me from the guilt of sin — but send the Spirit, whom You promised, and save me from its power. Make me holy. Teach me to do Your will."
Would you continue holy? Then abide in Christ. (John 15:4, 5). It pleased the Father that in Him should all fullness dwell — a full supply for all a believer's needs. He is the Physician to whom you must daily go — if you would keep well. He is the Manna which you must daily eat, and the Rock from which you must daily drink. His arm is the arm on which you must daily lean, as you come up out of the wilderness of this world. You must not only be rooted — you must also be built up in Him.
Paul was a man of God indeed, a holy man, a growing thriving Christian — and what was the secret of it all? He was one to whom Christ was all in all. He was ever looking unto Jesus. "I can do all things," he says, "through Christ who strengthens me." "I live; yet not I — but Christ lives in me: and the life which I now live, I live by the faith in the Son of God." Let us go and do likewise (Hebrews 12:2; Philippians ; Galatians ).