My God Is Worthy Of The Risk!

Hebrews 4: 12 “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

Hebrews 5: 13-14 “Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness.  But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

Hebrews 6:11-12 “We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.”

Hebrews 10:38-39 “But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.” But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.”

Hebrews 10:29 “ How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace?”

The book of Hebrews is one of my favourite books of the Bible. I have acquired this tenderness for this particular book because God used it to open my eyes and helped me understand two major things in my walk with Him. The first one is that the way we live what we claim to believe, truly matters to Him. The second thing I learned right at the onset of going through the wilderness process with God, is that there is no such thing as living the true Christian life while sitting on the fence spiritually speaking. I remember this vividly, because when God got hold of me and turned my life upside down He taught me that we could sit on the fence at a spiritual level. I was surprised because the people, who were the pillars of the Church I used to attend to, a few years back, told me that I was sitting on the fence based on the Church’s activities I was willing to take on. In order to rectify the situation I obeyed them to the point where I took on more work than I could chew.  

On Kindle $0.99

Later on, when God took my hand like a child even though He did not say a word, I knew I was leaving the people that I learned to love like a true family, behind. It was painful to me. Because I did not know God, so even though He took me by the hand, His hand could not take away the pain of leaving my family behind. (Like a child leaving behind mom and dad) He knew I was in pain.  He then went on explaining how this stage of my walk with Him was important. He showed me how all that I have been doing so far was just “dead works”. Sadly, it was not only me. The whole Church looked like a bunch of rebellious lost sheep that would not follow Him, His way. It was dead works all over. It was sad because this is such a big and busy Church. Then He said “where I am leading you, none of them can take you there.” Then all of the sudden, the pain that I felt changed and I realized it was an honour that He chose me and I should join Him willingly, with gladness in my heart.

In Christianity there is no room to just live a life where we “sample” and we cannot stand at the door not being sure whether we want to go in or remain out. (Spiritually speaking) In fact, if you are truly walking with God, you will find at one point, not only He needs you to move forward with Him, but He will also destroy the bridge behind you. Like the Israelites, once they crossed the red sea it was a place of no return and they had no idea where God was leading.

In my case, while I did not have a red sea, but He showed me a bridge that led in and out of the world I used to know and this bridge was destroyed behind me. I vividly remember the time, because I looked back in my spirit, and He saw what I did. For a few seconds I felt, the Christianity God sets out to show me was too hard and I said to myself, I can’t take more of this thing. Even when I was experiencing Him left right and centre, the pain became too great in the practical life.  Another thing, I felt for a moment, because of His love, it would be okay even if I do not continue with Him.  My life was painful, lonely, I was jobless, the shame was overwhelming, and I could tell there were more storms that looked more like a spiritual typhoon coming my way.  I was about to lose every single thing I ever possessed and I was on my way of becoming homeless. I looked back because in my mind I felt, if I took the situation in my own hands, I might have a chance to stop the landslide that became my life.  It is an amazing to see how in my spirit, I looked back, like lot’s wife looking back at what was lost and like the Israelites holding onto Egypt like a dog with a bone. 

When I turned back, even though I have done it in the spirit, but I knew it was a desire of the flesh. I could see the contrast between the spirit and the flesh. In a fraction of a second, God showed me the bridge was no longer there and it felt as if He left me by myself to reassess. By then, I was a Christian for about seven years. As I reassessed and took all what I knew of God into consideration, I chose Him. Not because I knew Him well, but because I knew by then He was real. I remember after I chose Him, while I was in pain, in my heart I knew it was all dung that I had to leave behind. My only concerned then was to ask Him “where am I going to sleep God?” Even that, I needed to let go and trusted Him to take care of things for me one step at the time. This looking back I referred to, is not just for me. It is a universal truth about our relationship with Him. It is a test of faith in the worst moment of our lives. It is a test to see if we would trust Him and choose Him over again even though the road ahead is rough and plain nasty.

Strangely, even though God showed me there was no way back but I still had a decision to make within me. Am I going to continue with Him or not? I remember saying to myself “I know too much now to accept the natural life as my life, then the only logical step was to continue with Him.” The funny thing is, when I look back today, I realize I knew nothing compare to the learning, the spiritual growth and the transforming life that God has for us on this path that lead to the narrow gate. Yet, it was enough for me to trust and obey.

In the book of Hebrews the writer is sharing with us how important it is to continue because Christ is worth the risk, He is worth the pain and He is worth our trust. The writer also spelled out for us how sitting on the fence has its consequences. The warnings are all there for us and we are free to provoke Him with our presumptuous faith. The writer also shared with us in 6:9 “…., We are convinced of better things in your case—the things that have to do with salvation.”

The greatest things that accompany salvation as far as my heart is concerned, is about finding God through Christ. The very covenant God made with us is “Him being ours” as we walk with Him. It is strange to see how we hang on to some verses of the Bible as if we want to keep God in line with His promises, yet some of the greatest verses in the Bible that lead us right in His arms of love, we are not finding delight in them. Like Amos 3:3 “Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?” Another verse is: James 4:8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.  (3 different colors 3 main themes)

I have hundreds of those verses that bring delight to my soul. When you think of James 4:8 this is a verse that evoke pain beyond measure. The only way we would know that is if we go with Him in a practical way living out the last part of this verse which is: “Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” Incidentally, He showed me this verse is closely related to Hebrews 10:22-23 in the way He works them out in our lives.  He breaks us until we feel shattered in millions of pieces. He also humbles us in order to prepare our hearts for the intimate and holy life He is about to share with us as He draws near. So this little in James 4:8 has three components, the first one is that we draw near. The second one is that He comes closer too, but this closeness before we can enjoy it and find the delight that He brings to the soul we ought to let Him apply the third part of the verse which is: Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. This is where your will is important because you have a role to play too in this deal. We are given a command to draw near, but it is His job to cleanse our hands and purify our hearts. Then, once He starts the process of purifying us to prepare us to receive His holiness, we ought to remain put and let Him do the work. Through this work of cleansing our hands and hearts, we find that our double mindedness is no longer something we delight in anymore. Only then you are ready inwardly to share in His holiness.

The same principle applies to the verse Amos 3:3. How can you walk with God with a heart plagued with double mindedness? How can you walk with God with a heart filled with hypocrisy? A spirit of rebellion?  The verse itself tells you that there has to be an agreement. This agreement involved us agreeing with Him. Not us forcing our idea of salvation on Him. The similarity of our inclinations, what brings joy to our walk, the intimacy we share, the love, our habits, what brings pleasure to each other, etc. are things that we have to agree on and find delight in them as we share this love and intimate walk together.

Often times I read from the puritan writings that if we do not learn to share these things with God right now, if we cannot find delight in Him right here and right now, then, for those Christians, heaven would be hell and I have to agree with them. Well, if you do not delight in Him now, what makes you think this is going to happen to you after you are dead?

Yes, the blood of Jesus Christ washes us from all filth, but if it is true and this happened to you, why is it you are still living as if salvation has not touched you? Why living in your self-righteousness? Why the presumptuous faith that somehow cannot be changed into real faith? Why are you full of hypocrisy? Lust, sin, wickedness, harden heart etc? Where is the work of Salvation within? Where is the Cross of Christ? I am getting so excited with this post that I will make one more point and try very hard to stop myself.

In the book of Hebrews we have a passage that causes great controversy in 6:4. There are in reality four groups: one believes this passage does not relate to Christian because we have been sealed with the Spirit and God cannot lie so eternal security is ours while we live life, our way. Another group feels that this is just a hypothetical example and has nothing to do with those who confess their belief in Christ. The third group goes wild in explaining this verse in conjunction with their idea of salvation (this one is a gut’ wrenching) because you can see you are dealing with people who just want what God has to offer and they want Him to leave them alone. The fourth group believes like John Calvin, that this verse, Hebrews 6:4 is pertaining to those who never fully became Christian.

Here is how John Calvin explains those falling away: “experience shows that the reprobate are sometimes affected in a way so similar to the elect, that even in their own judgment there is no difference between them. Hence it is not strange, that by the Apostle a taste of heavenly gifts, and by Christ himself a temporary faith, is ascribed to them. Not that they truly perceive the power of spiritual grace and the sure light of faith…”

Needless to say that I am with Calvin here, not that this mean I am a Calvinist because my true religion is the Holy Spirit. However, today’s church more than ever is filled to capacity with the kind of Christians that are in the category of those referred to by the writer of Hebrews as those “falling away.” Sadly, these people are found from the pulpits to the pews and it goes deeper than that, because we find them right in the leadership of the Church as Church elders.  

Faith

Arthur W. Pink (1886-1952)

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him" (Heb. 11:6); "But the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it" (Heb. 4:2). The linking together of these verses shows us the worthlessness of all religious activities where faith is lacking. The outward exercise may be performed diligently and correctly, but unless faith is in operation, God is not honored and the soul is not profited. Faith draws out the heart unto God, and faith it is which receives from God—not a mere intellectual assent to what is revealed in Holy Writ, but a supernatural principle of grace which lives upon the God of Scripture. This the natural man, no matter how religious or orthodox he is, has not; and no labors of his, no act of his will, can acquire it.

Faith is the sovereign gift of God. Faith must be operative in all the exercises of the Christian if God is to be glorified and he is to be edified.

First, in the reading of the Word: "But these are written that you might believe" (John 20:31).

Second, in listening to the preaching of God's servants: "The hearing of faith" (Gal. 3:2).

Third, in praying: "Let him ask in faith, without wavering" (James 1:6).

Fourth, in our daily life: "For we walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Cor. 5:7); "the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God" (Gal. 2:20).

Fifth, in our exit from this world: "These all died in faith" (Heb. 11:13).

What the breath is to the body, faith is to the soul; for one who is destitute of faith to seek to perform spiritual actions is like putting a spring within a wooden dummy and making it go through mechanical motions.

Now an unregenerate professor may read the Scriptures and yet have no spiritual faith. Just as the devout Hindu peruses the Upanishads, and the Mohammedan his Koran, so many in "Christian" countries take up the study of the Bible, and yet have no more of the life of God in their souls than have their heathen brethren. Thousands in this land read the Bible, believe in its Divine authorship, and become more or less familiar with its contents. A mere professor may read several chapters every day, and yet never appropriate a single verse. But faith applies God's Word: it applies His fearful threats and trembles before them; it applies His solemn warnings, and seeks to heed them; it applies His precepts, and cries unto Him for grace to walk in them.

It is the same in listening to the Word preached. A carnal professor will boast of having attended this conference and that, of having heard this famous teacher and that renowned preacher, and be no better off in his soul than if he had never heard any of them. He may listen to two sermons every Sunday, and fifty years hence be as dead spiritually as he is today. But the regenerated soul appropriates the message and measures himself by what he hears. He is often convicted of his sins and made to mourn over them. He tests himself by God's standard, and feels that he comes so far short of what he ought to be, that he sincerely doubts the honesty of his own profession. The Word pierces him, like a two-edged sword, and causes him to cry "O wretched man that I am."

So in prayer. The mere professor often makes the humble Christian feel ashamed of himself. The carnal religionist who has "the gift of the gab" is never at a loss for words: sentences flow from his lips as readily as do the waters of a babbling brook; verses of Scripture seem to run through his mind as freely as flour passes through a sieve. Whereas the poor burdened child of God is often unable to do any more than cry "God be merciful to me a sinner." Ah, my friends, we need to distinguish sharply between a natural aptitude for "making" nice "prayers" and the spirit of true supplication: the one consists merely of words, the other of "groanings which cannot be uttered"; the one is acquired by religious education, the other is wrought in the soul by the Holy Spirit.

Thus it is too in conversing about the things of God. The frothy professor can talk glibly and often orthodoxly of "doctrines," yes, and of worldly things, too: according to his mood, or according to his audience, so is his theme. But the child of God, while being swift to hear that which is unto edification, is "slow to speak." Ah, my reader, beware of talkative people; a drum makes a lot of noise, but it is hollow inside! "Most men will proclaim everyone his own goodness; but a faithful man who can find?" (Proverbs 20:6). When a saint of God does open his lips about spiritual matters, it is to tell of what the Lord, in His infinite mercy, has done for him; but the carnal religionist is anxious for others to know what he is "doing for the Lord."

The difference is just as real between the genuine Christian and the nominal Christian in connection with their daily lives: while the latter may appear outwardly righteous, yet within they are "full of hypocrisy, and iniquity" (Matt. 23:28). They will put on the skin of a real sheep, but in reality they are "wolves in sheep's' clothing." But God's children have the nature of sheep, and learn of Him who is "meek and lowly in heart," and, as the elect of God, they put on "mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering" (Col. 3:12). They are in private what they appear in public. They worship God in spirit and in truth, and have been made to know wisdom in the hidden parts of the heart.

So it is on their passing out of this world. An empty professor may die as easily and as quietly as he lived—deserted by the Holy Spirit, undisturbed by the Devil; as the Psalmist says, "There are no bands in their death" (73:4). But this is very different from the end of one whose deeply-plowed and consciously-defiled conscience has been "sprinkled" with the precious blood of Christ: "Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace" (Psalm 37:37)—yes, a peace which "passes all understanding": having lived the life of the righteous, he dies "the death of the righteous" (Num. 23:10).

And what is it which distinguishes the one character from the other, wherein lies the difference between the genuine Christian and he who is one in name only? This: a God-given, Spirit-wrought faith in the heart. Not a mere head-knowledge and intellectual assent to the Truth, but a living, spiritual, vital principle in the heart—a faith which "purifies the heart" (Acts 15:9), which "works by love" (Gal. 5:6), which "overcomes the world" (1 John 5:4). Yes, a faith which is Divinely sustained amidst trials within and opposition without; a faith which exclaims "though He slays me, yet will I trust in Him" (Job 13:15).

True, this faith is not always in exercise, nor is it equally strong at all times. The favored possessor of it must be taught by painful experience that as he did not originate it neither can he command it; therefore does he turn unto its Author, and say, "Lord I believe, help my unbelief." And then it is that, when reading the Word he is enabled to lay hold of its precious promises; that when bowing before the Throne of Grace, he is enabled to cast his burden upon the Lord; that when he rises to go about his temporal duties, he is enabled to lean upon the everlasting arms; and that when he is called upon to pass through the valley of the shadow of death, he triumphantly cries, "I will fear no evil for You are with me." "Lord, increase our faith.

Meditating On The Word Of God!

I want to share something with you that God has taught me this morning when I was meditating. I have to say I had no idea how to meditate. But, in 2005 after I lost my job God was preparing me to learn to buckle up for the ride that was going to change my life forever, because things were going to get messier and way worse than I ever thought possible. So the Holy Spirit taught me to “still” my heart, not by myself but with His help. Then, I let my mind, my heart and soul be taken up completely with God’s Word, the beauty of it, how each iota of His word is true, how He works things out in our lives, how to apply each verse of the Bible to our lives, etc… As you learn to do this with the Holy Spirit, not only it becomes easier to apply in all circumstances in your life, but you learn to become so immersed and so taken up that you could spend hours in His Company. It is as if time does not exist. As the matter of fact, when I first learned to meditate with God in the wilderness, I could meditate on His word for hours and I never knew until I snapped out of it, that most of the day was gone.

For those of you who are tempted to say this is what it means to be caught up in third heaven, let me tell you it is not. Because being caught up in the third heaven changes your soul in a way that you can never explain and the thing is, you never know when God is going to take you there. What I explained above is simple meditation done in the spirit and with the Holy Spirit. But, anyway, as I was immersed in my meditation this morning, God felt the need to help me understand something deeper. The past two days I wrote about how a life of oneness with God takes you from fearing His wrath to appreciate it as an attribute of His holiness.  What I learned this morning reminded me of something very important, as Christians, it is so important we do not take lightly our postings whether through social media, Blogs, websites etc. Because in the end, we are what we think and we are what we write about. (If we do not use ghost writers)

I don’t know about you, but as I write my posts, I too am learning from God. It gives me an opportunity to meditate on things that I might have forgotten to thank Him about or take for granted. It keeps me living with an awareness of God constantly on a daily basis to the point where, if I spend time thinking about anything that did not lead to God, I need to know what did I waste my time with? Through my postings, I learned to acquire more gratitude as I recall the things He has done for me and the grace He lavishes on me.

So, this morning was not any different. I was having such an awesome time with Him, and then He told me “do you know why you wrote the past two days about finding balance between God’s wrath and His Holiness?” Do you understand why this knowledge and its effect are suddenly part of who you are? I smile and though to myself, “no I don’t know because you never told me”. Before I finish my thought, He said to me, well this is part of what it means to behold me like in a glass of glory. It is also part of changing into the same image.” As he said that to me, I smiled with joy and gratitude in my heart, then I came out of the meditation time.

I was elated with what He taught me, but at the same time it was a learning process that corrected some of my faulty thinking. Why? Because a few years back, I thought (from what I lived with Him) 2 Corinthians 3:18 was mainly about God’s face being etched in yours and my face based on a life spent looking at Him through sitting at His feet. Today I understand that beholding His face is just part of the process and this little verse means so much more to God, in the way He plans to do it in us. I understand that we are learning to behold Him as He works it out in us, in all His facets. It is about our whole spiritual makeup from head to toes.

The funny thing is, I used to see my transformation from the wilderness walk with Him as having gone through the process of being a caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly. But unlike the butterfly after its transformation, God has just begun the process of transformation through those who belongs to Him. My dear brothers and sisters, if you could only take a pick out the work that is left to be done in us by Him, you would definitely make different choices with the time you are allocated to live out his life on earth. (Look who’s talking! LOL - I did not know that until he hit me with a 4X4 to get my attention)

Just so you know, yesterday, God has given me instructions on the subject of my post for today. But, after my time with Him, I obtained permission from Him to switch things around. And like a true daddy, it was okay with Him! I actually got His blessings with gladness in both of our hearts. 

I love my God & I truly love you guys!

To my litte community on Wordpress, you  are so precious to my heart, you will never know how much! I appreciate the time you take to write me, encourage me and to comments.  God showed me how not to worry about fans lost on Facebook, because you remained faithful and you matter. Thanks so much

VIDEOS

I am including these very short videos. The reason being is that, the seven years I spent in the wilderness with Him, truly reflects what you see in these videos. When He first started with me after I lost my job, not only my life was turned upside down, I could feel as if there was a demolition and construction happening inside me. It was so real, like an idiot I sent an email to my pastor for help because I did not know it was normal with God.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LY-Fiyq8jc4

2) Then for a while it was this video. It represents all the changes that he was doing within me

http://gizmodo.com/watch-a-caterpillar-transform-into-a-butterfly-from-ins-506894053

Through this stage I learned the meaning of what Paul said in Galatians 4:19 and why He was in pain for the Galatians to go forward claiming what they were missing. I also learned first hand why the first work that truly matters to God and in the absence of this work, whatever else we have done in His name has no importance and no value. This change that comes only from the power of the cross is what true salvation is about. I learned the true meaning through the Holy Spirit’s teaching what God had in mind when He penned James 2:18. This transformation process is “faith by your deeds.” Your only deed as a human being is the willingness to embrace this life in Him and allowing Him to move freely in your life through your faith in Him.

As He showed me the whole process He allowed me to see the extend of my involvement.  Only then, I understood how greatly we Christians misunderstand the grace of God. Because, even the willingness to allow Him to move freely in my life through all the circumstances, is still a work of grace that I received from Him through Salvation. I just put it to work through faith in Him. Without salvation entering my soul, I would never feel the urge to let Him move freely in my life. Why would I care? So, this process is also the work of our Salvation.  It is pure and unadulterated grace. So when the word of God says to us “unless you believe in vain…” Yeah! There is something there you should take into consideration. God did not pen those words down to hear His Holy voice. He was talking to you and me.

3) Then, on the third stage where the butterfly came out… http://www.wimp.com/monarchbutterfly/ He taught me what His word meant in Song of Solomon 8:5 “Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, Leaning upon her beloved?” You see, through this process He teaches you to trust Him and to depend on Him. You can lean on Him because your will is handed back to you, but not before it has become His will. Your soul takes Him on as your lover. Through each stage I had a song in this one I learned to sing the song, “Jesus lover of my soul….. It’s all about you”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dD-ZdMOx_HY

Are you truly born again? Examine yourself… Unless you believe in vain!

 

$0.99 On Kindle

2 Corinthians 3:18 – King James Version

“But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” 

God's Holy Wrath!

Early this morning the Holy Spirit made it clear to me what my subject for today and tomorrow would be. I will spare you the details of the experience, but God has a way of changing our plans and He never ceases to amaze me when He does that. Even when I told Him that I did not want to talk about tomorrow’s subject because it is part of my next book, His answer was tomorrow is not today, then He moved on about the order of the day.

He reminded me that I was not always living a balance life with His wrath and love and there was a time I was truly afraid of Him. That is true. Even without Him saying it, I know some Christians might misunderstand my view on God’s wrath from yesterday’s post. For instance, I know Christians who have never reached a point in their relationship with God where they learned to fear God’s wrath. They simply feel and think that God’s love for each of us and mainly Christians, automatically cancel out His wrath.  I also met someone who has the audacity to believe the wrath of God is related to the Old Testament and there is no longer anything to fear. This idea came from such a long time and eloquent Christian.

When we have an incorrect view of God’s wrath, we do not grow spiritually in the Lord. Furthermore, these incorrect views of God’s wrath are not Biblical. If His wrath is a thing of the past how can you learn to fear Him? How can you learn to give Him the reverence that is due to Him? If you do not have a healthy dose of reverence for Him, then everything is permissible. If the Salvation you have received did not teach you or led you there, then you can assume you have a defective salvation, or some kind of man made one.

Another thing that is true as well is that if you live your whole life in fear of God’s wrath, you will never know Him and your life will be like the servant who received one talent in the parable of the talent in Matthew 25:14-30. True Salvation from God takes you to a progression where there is an awareness of His wrath and you do not quite know what to make of it. You fear Him because of what you read of His wrath, and in your mind it is a negative attribute.  Even when you keep telling yourself that it cannot be a negative attribute because in God there is no blemish, but your attitude toward God will reveal that your heart cannot buy into it.  Then as you grow in grace, you will stop being scared because you find that He is a gentle and loving father who cares for you deeply and want only what is best for you.

As you continue a steadfast walk, you grow in your intimacy with Him; you will find you have left behind the stage where you were scared of Him. This is a normal progression of our walk with Him and it shows us we have actually worked toward a real relationship with Him. Then you find that, the more you live and walk in the spirit and remain at His feet through a life of surrender and abiding, there is no fear in you at all in regards to His wrath. But this lack of fear comes from living a life of oneness with Him. You have acquired a balance because you know Him intimately and the wrath you used to fear so much is just one of His Holy attributes.

I still remember when I discovered the harmony that exists between God’s love, wrath and holiness it was a time where I felt I was being wasted in a never ending holding pattern. But even though I felt this way and I could not explain God’s purpose for this stage of my life ---- after the wilderness time----I decided not to take matters into my own hands to make things happen with my own understanding.  I felt, the safer investment was to trust Him through it all. I kept praying for the strength to remain steadfast and persevere.  So when He showed me the beauty of having acquired the understanding of these attributes of His, and how they merged within me as if the knowledge had become part of who I am in Him, I remember saying “WOW!  I uttered, “How did I get there?”

I uttered those words simply because I still remembered vividly, the day when God gave me the choice to either move forward in an intimate relationship with Him personally or remain in a life of second hand Christianity. I still remember how afraid I was. Like the Israelites in Exodus 20 who did not want to deal with God directly, I felt if I move forward in a close relationship with Him I would die. In my mind, all I kept thinking was that His wrath was going to cause my death.  What compelled me to go forward and choose Him, was that my heart could not take the idea that I was no better than the Israelites.

I kept thinking, not choosing to go forward with God directly has not been a good thing for the Israelites at all. I also remembered how they rejected dealing with Him directly in first Samuel from chapter 8 to 10. When I read those chapters, I recalled how God was hurt by their rejection and my heart melted. In my fear, even though I did not have much bible knowledge, I said to myself, “but God’s word said in one place in the Old Testament and another place in the New Testament that their story has been recorded so that we can avoid making the same mistake, I think I need to apply it here.” This was me, thinking in the span of a few minutes but as it was happening to me it felt like a lifetime. I then said okay God, even though you are going to kill me by the time I get to you, but here I come.

It turned out He did not want to kill me, He simply wanted an up close and personal relationship with me and He used His word to test my obedience. Years later I understood much more. Going to God the Father for a personal relationship in intimacy, is the goal of Salvation. In 1 Peter 3:18 we are told that Christ died He might bring us to God. Bringing us to God is much more than saying the sinner prayer and activities. Going to God has to start with us truly going to Him “in the spirit”

God’s wrath is a response to our disobedience and since He loves us with a passionate and jealous love and since His holiness cannot tolerate sin, then His wrath is perfect and always justified.

 P. S

I am still sick, it took me all day to write this and I hope you can make sense of what I wrote down.