(3.) There is another thing to be considered, and that is, the different frames that our inward man is in while we live as pilgrims in the world. A man, as he is not always well without, so neither is he always well within. Our inward man is subject to transient, though not to utter decay (Isa 1:5). And as it is when the outward man is sick, strength and stomach, and lust, or desire fail, so it is when our inward man has caught a cold likewise (Eze 34:4).
The inward man I call the new creature, of which the Spirit of God is the support, as my soul supports my body. But, I say, this new man is not always well. He knows nothing that knows not this. Now, being sick, things fail. As when a man is not in health of body, his pulse beats to declare that he is sick; so when a man is not well within, his inward pulse, which are his desires—for I count the desires for the pulse of the inward man—they also declare that the man is not well within. They beat too little after God, weak and faintly after grace; they also have their halts, they beat not evenly, as when the soul is well, but to manifest all is not well there.
We read that the church of Sardis was under sore sickness, insomuch that some of her things were quite dead, and they that were not so were yet ready to die (Rev 3:2). Yet 'life is life,' we say, and as long as there is a pulse, or breath, though breath scarce able to shake a feather, we cast not away all hope of life. Desires, then, though they be weak, are, notwithstanding, true desires, if they be the desires of the righteous thus described, and therefore are truly good, according to our text. David says he 'opened his mouth and panted,' for he longed for God's commandments (Psa 119:131). This was a sickness, but not such a one as we have been speaking of. The spouse also cried out that she was 'sick of love.' Such sickness would do us good, for in it the pulse beats strongly well (Cant 5:8).
Some objections answered.
Object. But it may be objected, I am yet in doubt of the goodness of my desires, both because my desires run both ways, and because those that run towards sin and the world seem more and stronger than those that run after God, Christ, and grace.
Answ. There is not a Christian under heaven but has desires that run both ways, as is manifest from what hath been said already. Flesh will be flesh; grace shall not make it otherwise. By flesh I mean that body of sin and death that dwelleth in the godly (Rom 6:6). As grace will act according to its nature, so sin will act according to the nature of sin (Eph 2:3). Now, the flesh has desires, and the desires of the flesh and of the mind are both one in the ungodly; thank God it is not so in thee! (Rom 7:24). The flesh, I say, hath its desires in the godly; hence it is said to lust enviously; it lusts against the Spirit; 'The flesh lusteth against the Spirit' (Gal 5:17). And if it be so audacious as to fly in the face of the Holy Ghost, wonder that thou art not wholly carried away with it! (Rom 7:25).
Object. But those desires that run to the world and sin seem most and strongest in me.
Answ. The works of the flesh are manifest; that is, more plainly discovered even in the godly than are the works of the Holy Ghost (Gal 5:19). And this their manifestation ariseth from these following particulars:
1. We know the least appearance of a sin better by its native hue than we know the grace of the Spirit. 2. Sin is sooner felt in its bitterness upon a sanctified soul than is the grace of God. A little aloes will be sooner tasted than much sweet, though mixed therewith. 3. Sin is dreadful and murderous in the sight of a sanctified soul: wherefore the apprehending of that makes us often forget, and often question whether we have any grace or no. 4. Grace lies deep in the hidden part, but sin lies high, and floats above in the flesh; wherefore it is easier, oftener seen than is the grace of God (Psa 51:6). The little fishes swim on the top of the water, but the biggest and best keep down below, and so are seldomer seen. 5. Grace, as to quantity, seems less than sin. What is leaven, or a grain of mustard seed, to the bulky lump of a body of death (Matt 13:31-33)? 6. Sin is seen by its own darkness, and also in the light of the Spirit; but the Spirit itself neither discovers itself, nor yet its graces, by every glance of its own light. 7. A man may have the Spirit busily at work in him, he may also have many of his graces in their vigorous acts, and yet may be greatly ignorant of either; wherefore we are not competent judges in this case. There may be a thousand acts of grace pass through thy soul, and thou be sensible of few, if any, of them. 8. Do you think that he that repents, believes, loves, fears, or humbles himself before God, and acts in other graces too, doth always know what he doth? No, no; grace many times, even in a man, is acted by him, unawares unto him. Did Gideon think you believed that he was so strong in grace as he was? Nay, was he not ready to give the lie to the angel, when he told him God was with him? (Judg 6:12,13). Or what do you think of David, when he said he was cast off from God's eyes? (Psa 31:22). Or of Heman, when he said he was free among them whom God remembered no more? (Psa 88). Did these, then, see their graces so clear, as they saw themselves by their sins to be unworthy ones? I tell you it is a rare thing for some Christians to see their graces, but a thing very common for such to see their sins; yea, and to feel them too, in their lusts and desires, to the shaking of their souls.
Quest. But since I have lusts and desires both ways, how shall I know to which my soul adheres?
Answ. This may be known thus: 1. Which wouldest thou have prevail? the desires of the flesh, or the lusts of the spirit, whose side art thou of? Doth not thy soul now inwardly say, and that with a strong indignation, O let God, let grace, let my good desires, prevail against my flesh, for Jesus Christ his sake? 2. What kind of secret wishes hast thou in thy soul when thou feelest the lusts of thy flesh to rage? Dost thou not inwardly, and with indignation against sin, say, O that I might never, never feel one such motion more? O, that my soul were so full of grace, that there might be longer no room for ever for the least lust to come into my thoughts! 3. What kind of thoughts hast thou of thyself, now thou seest these desires of thine that are good so briskly opposed by those that are bad? Dost thou not say, O! I am the basest of creatures, I could even spew at myself? There is no man in all the world in my eyes so loathsome as myself. I abhor myself; a toad is not so vile as I am. O Lord, let me be anything but a sinner, anything, so thou subduest mine iniquities for me! 4. How dost thou like the discovery of that which thou thinkest is grace in other men? Dost thou not cry out, O, I bless them in my heart! O, methinks grace is the greatest beauty in the world! Yeah, I could be content to live and die with those people who have the grace of God in their souls. A hundred times, and a hundred, when I have been upon my knees before God, I have desired, were it the will of God, that I might be in their condition. 5. How art thou when thou thinkest that thou thyself hast grace? OH then, says the soul, I am as if I could leap out of myself; joy, joy, joy then is with my heart. It is, methinks, the greatest mercy under heaven to be made a gracious man.
And is it thus with thy soul indeed? Happy man! It is grace that has thy soul, though sin at present works in thy flesh. Yea, all these breathings are the very actings of grace, even of the grace of desire, of love, of humility, and of the fear of God within thee. Be of good courage, thou art on the right side. Thy desires are only good; for that thou hast desired against thy sin, thy sinful self; which indeed is not thyself, but sin that dwells in thee.









